Don't give up on me.

EIGHTEENTH

The events of previous day were the first thing to pop up in her mind when Johum woke up next day. She was in a foul mood and wanted to be left alone once all the events started going through her mind like a film, over and over again. Johum laid in bed and thought about last night.

She couldn't fathom why Zayan would be nice to her, okay he did have a nice bone sometimes but that was very rare. And she groaned when she thought how she hugged him. She shouldn't have. She hated herself for doing so and felt embarrassed. On the other hand, the main reason for her foul mood was the true face of Za'ir. She had not been able to see his face at all and she wished she could have. Because as silly as it was, she just wanted to see if he felt any guilt at all.

There is always a stupid portion of heart that refuses to believe what eyes witness. She saw it all, she felt it, she had witnessed what he did - but still that part of her heart refused to believe that he was that kind of a person. She had never wanted to be in a position to fall for the wrong one but bad luck happened to her and she fell for him.

Over and over again, Za'ir had proven himself that she had never thought he would be, she hated him but still she hoped that it was all fake, that something forced him, pushed him to do what he did. It was not wrong of him to love Rua, as much as she hated admitting that, it was true. But last night what he did, she just didn't know what to feel after that. Perhaps, she was still in shock.

Johum was thankful that her family was unaware of the events happening around or with her. Last night, Zayan had dropped her off and thankfully nobody noticed anything. Her family would fly back to Iraq tomorrow, so she was relaxed. Johum sat up on her bed and picked up her phone. She was still thinking about Za'ir and that made her feel like a bitch.

No matter what, she couldn't stop thinking about him. She felt guilty, now that she was someone else's wife - as unwanted as it was - it was wrong of her to think about another man. Sighing, she unlocked her phone and found three missed calls from Zayan. She locked the phone again. Her heart felt heavy, she didn't know who to trust.

She had always known that Zayan was a dangerous man, had known it from the very first day but she didn't know to what extent he could go. But now she felt that there was more to what he showed. He was not just a regular bad boy.

Johum threw her cellphone on the bed and got up to take a shower. She had not even removed her makeup last night when she returned, she was not in the position to do so. She planned to go to university today to take her mind off of the current affairs in her life. So she took a shower and got dressed, it was snowing outside so she packed herself up. 

While wrapping the scarf around her neck as she stood in front of mirror, her eyes found her face and then narrowed. Johum leaned closer and tilted her neck only to be horrified when she spotted a red and purple spot on the side of her neck. Gasping, she covered it with her hand and rubbed the skin. Unfortunately it really was what she thought it was.

Shocked, she just stared the mark for a few seconds and before she could burst in to tears because of how horrible she felt, she grabbed the concealer and started dabbing it on her skin all the while murmuring, "He can not see this."

She felt guilty and angry at the same time. Angry because she couldn't help but think about Za'ir again and guilty because...well, she didn't know it herself. She had no reason to feel guilty then why did she want to cry so bad? Why did she want to hit that son of a bitch again and again.

Why did she hate that she had started hating Za'ir?

Wrapping the scarf around her neck, she glared at it in the mirror and then walked out of the bathroom. She grabbed her bag, phone and walked out of the room.