Don't give up on me.

FORTY

Two days. It didn’t feel like two days had passed to Johum because she couldn’t even feel if she was alive. For two days straight, Johum lied in bed, staring at the wall as tears fell from her eyes after every few moments. She didn’t know whose bed it was, she didn’t care because the images and flashes in her mind were still too fresh. She was still not able to grasp on to the truth that her friend was dead. Rua was dead and she killed herself in front of Johum.

She had seen people being killed in front of her but that wasn’t the same. Because those people didn’t kill themselves, those people didn’t beg her to take care of their daughter, they were never close to her. Rua was gone and Johum didn’t know what state she was in. Was she in shock? She didn’t think so. She didn’t care either.

She had been silent since Zayan brought her to his house after whatever happened. She still remembered that he was the one who carried her inside, took off her shoes and placed a blanket over her. She was still under that blanket. That made her think that maybe he cared? But that thought vanished just like a drop of water. She still remembered Rua’s words about him knowing everything that was happening to her and still didn’t do anything. She had not believed the girl at that time but they say that a dying person never lies. And Rua knew that she was going to kill herself, she was going to die. Then why would she lie?

Maybe she didn’t know it herself! Zayan is a total bitch but he can’t be that low. Her mind screamed at her; a tiny part of her brain that still pushed her to believe all the lies Zayan had been telling her including the feelings she thought he had for her.

Johum pushed her face further in to the pillow and inhaled a long breath. Her body was heating up and there were small beads of perspiration on her forehead. Perhaps she was catching on a fever but she didn’t have the energy to remove blankets. For past two days, she had not eaten anything and now her gut was clenching due to hunger. Zayan had tried to make her eat and when that didn’t work, he sent Rafiq but Johum barely had any friendship with Rafiq so she refused to eat. It was not like she wanted to be difficult, it was just that she couldn’t stomach anything for the words of Rua were making her nauseous. She just couldn’t bear the thought of food anymore.

Johum stared at the fuzzy blanket and closed her eyes, slipping underneath it. She wanted to ask Zayan how he was feeling. Because even though he had hurt her, he still confessed that he loved Rua and she wanted to make sure he was alright. At one time, she was his wife, his first love so her death must have had a terrible effect on him. Was he even alright?

The door creaked open making Johum sink in to the covers even more because whoever it was, she didn’t want to face them. It was not like anyone other than Rafiq was making an effort to talk to her. She had noticed how everyone ignored her and avoided her like a plague. Even, Ruhshan when she had seen her two days ago when Zayan brought her home. She didn’t even make eye contact with Johum and left like lightening. The guys had been awkward as well, avoiding confronting her at all cost. So she knew it must be Rafiq or even Zayan .

She felt the person tugging the blanket away from her face. Johum clenched her eyes and grinded her teeth together. She didn’t want to  move and was pretty annoyed when her wishes weren’t being fulfilled.

“Get up.” She heard his deep voice making her heart skip a beat even though she hated him. Maybe she was just in delusion and she didn’t hate him actually. Johum remained still at her place and tried to cover her face with the blanket. Zayan let out a huge sigh and then completely yanked the blanket off her boody.

“Get up, Johum.” Johum looked at him through narrowed eyes that were the way because of exhaustion. Zayan frowned at her pulled her up by grabbing her arm. Johum remained silent. She knew she looked horrible and beaten up, her face was burning up and she must look horribly weak so she remained silent and didn’t protest. “You can’t starve yourself.” His voice was soft making her eyes snap towards him.