Don't give up on me.

FORTY FIRST

If y'all don't comment on this chapter like crazy Imma outta this book forevaaaaaaaa!!! Cuz it's banging.

🌱

Several days passed after the accident, though Johum would not call it an accident since the girl died right in front of her by killing herself. But after several days, things were back to normal like nothing happened. Zayan and his men, including his friends, sister and even the nanny of his child were acting like nothing tragic happened.

Maybe that wasn’t tragic for them after all they were used to that life. They must have seen hundreds of people dying or killing themselves in their lives, after all Zayan did say that he first killed when he was merely 14 years of age. Everyone forgot except for her. She couldn’t forget. The memory was still fresh in her mind along with the flashes of red in front of her eyes, the occasional dreams about Rua.

She thought she could gather herself and be strong but she was getting worse and she could feel it. Her nights were filled with no sleep coming to her and days spent inside the room that felt like prison, in silence.

Zayan never mentioned their conversation in the piano room. Well, he didn’t really talk to her or acknowledge her presence but whenever they had few short one worded conversations, he never brought up the subject of her confession. Initially, she thought she had made a mistake by telling him that she was in love with him but then she dismissed the thought, because at least she had told him that she didn’t expect anything in return from him. And he made that pretty clear as well, that there was nothing he felt for her except for lust. He was trying to tell her that he didn’t care about her feelings or anything.

Johum had pretty much concluded that Zayan didn’t like her or had any sort of feelings towards her. He was really a jerk and treated her like trash. She wanted to forget him but how could she when he was there in front of her eyes twenty four seven? She couldn’t and even though he made it clear that he hated her, he still made sure that she ate everyday and was taken care of. And that pretense was giving her hope.

Looking at herself in the mirror, she didn’t feel any disgust or worry at her weak figure. She looked like a ghost with sunken eyes, her cheeks were boney and her complexion was darker now. She looked dead. A few months ago she would have been horrified at her presence and immidetaely gone to a spa to get facial and whatnot. She would have even contacted a dermatologist but now, she didn’t even feel sad upon her presence. The normal thoughts didn’t enter her mind, her mind was making up worst scenarios; like killing Zayan, killing her own father and leaving him in cold blood and even killing herself.

She didn’t know what was happening. It felt like she didn’t have a heart anymore, she didn’t feel any love at the sight of Rüya like she used to, she didn’t feel any affection for Rafiq even though she considered him a friend. She didn’t feel anything except for immense regret and guilt for reasons unknown to her.

Johum washed her face and blinked at her reflection. She applied bright red lipstick on her lips for she didn’t want to scare people anymore and because she wanted to be bold and defy Zayan. She didn’t care how she looked or what she wore but surely he would for the possessive asshole that he was so she dressed like she had never before. It was her way of revenge.

She chose the pants that were tight along with a shirt that clung to her skin. She pulled up the jeans to her ankles and tied her hair in a sleek ponytail showing her neck and collarbones. She was going out, without informing anyone because she wanted to be alone and away from the drama. Of course when she left the door, she took a small piece of paper and scribbled her whereabouts; that she was just out for few hours and he didn’t need to alert a search party.

Johum sneaked out, avoiding every guy because they were pretty bad at securing the house thinking that never once did she try to escape so she wouldn’t now. They were right, she wasn’t escaping because he would find her. He had connections in mafia as well as around the legal business. He could find a pin in garbage then who was she?