Start to finish

Chapter 21

Sean's pov
We pulled into Shane's driveway and walked up to the door. I was going to knock but then I heard someone yelling so I quietly walked in.

"I said, do you still have feelings for her?!" Shane's mother yelled

"It's him and yes!" Shane yelled trying to loosen his mother's grip on his shirt

"And who the fuck do you think you are?!" She yelled throwing Shade e to the ground and walking up to Mark and I

"We're Jace's parents." I said

"I know that. Why are you in my house?!" She asked

"To pick up Shane." Mark said

Shane's mother rolled her eyes. "Fine! Take her. And don't ever think of bringing her faggot ass back here!" She yelled stomping off

I walked over and helped Shane up.

"Don't worry, I won't." I said after his mother left. "Let's grab your stuff." I said walking back the hall to Shane's room. After we grabbed a few things we walked out to the car and drove to the hospital

"Where is Jace McLoughlin?" Mark asked

"He's currently haveing his stomach pumped. You'll have to wait about half an hour." The lady told him

"Thanks." Mark said fakeing a smile

We took a seat and sat there for a little. I looked over Shane's shoulder at his phone. He was looking at old
pictures of him and Jace. I could hear him sniffle softly.

"So you left him because of your mother." I stated quietly

"Yah. I wish I didn't though." He said sadly

"Well when he's awake you can ask him out. You're not going home so you don't have to worry." I said smiling softly

"Yah." He smiled

We sat for another fifteen minutes and then a doctor came out.

"He's not awake yet but you guys can come see him for a few minutes." The doctor said

"Thank you." I said getting up to follow the doctor

When we reached Jace's room he looked just as peaceful as when we found him in his room. I walked over beside him and kissed his cheek. Shane looked like he was trying not to cry, and Mark was on the phone. Probably with his mom or other family members.

"Jace, bud. Look what you have done to yourself. You know you could have just talked to Mark or I. I mean... I get that it's hard... But why do you want to leave when things are just starting to get better? Why now? You've made it this far, why give up now?" I asked trying not to brake down

"Okay babe. It's time to go." Mark said softly

"What did we do wrong?" I asked beginning to cry

"Oh Sean, baby we didn't do anything wrong." Mark said pulling me into a hug

"Then why is our son laying in this stupid hospital because he wanted to die so badly?" I asked

"Baby, you have to remember that sadly we didn't get Jace when he was a child. He's dealing with a lot right now and on top of that he's dealing with memories of abuse. You remember what that was like." Mark said softly wipeing tears off my face

"I know I just... Why didn't we see it before? Why didn't I see it before?" I asked

"Don't blame yourself babe. It's not your fault. He just had a really bad episode and he just happened to be alone." Mark said slowly beginning to walk me out of the room

"Mark I don't want to leave him." I said reaching my had out

"I know babe. But he needs his rest." He told me

Mark walked me out into the waiting room where my brother Patrick was.

"Hey Pat. Where's the kids?" I asked

"With Ma. Is he okay?" Patrick asked

Just those three little words made me completely brake down. I spun around into Marks chest and cried. I swear this is the most and worst I've ever cried. I couldn't speak, I couldn't move, I couldn't do anything but cry. I know Mark said it's not my fault but that's all I can think. I should have known. I should have been able to do something to prevent this. Who's pills were the ones he swallowed anyway? We're they mine? We're they Marks? Which once did he think would hurt him more or kill him faster? What was going through his mind? I felt Mark carefully pick me up and carry me somewhere so he could sit. When I finally stopped crying Mark had to get up to go get us some food and my meds from home. I decided to stay with Partick since he had an idea as to how to deal with me. I felt numb. I didn't know how to feel.

"Hey ah... Sean?" Patrick asked

I shook my head to clear my thoughts. "Yah Patrick?" I said looking at him

"I ah... I started dating this guy." Patrick said

"A guy?" I asked shocked

"Yah." Patrick said smiling

I smiled back at him. "Good for you. How old is he?" I asked

"27. He's so fucking amazing Sean. You definitely need to meet him sometime. The kids love him." Patrick told me

"Yah, definitely." I said smiling

I felt happy for him but again, I still just felt so numb. I mean, my son is laying in hospital bed. How did I not notice anything? Why didn't he just come talk to me? I got up and walked into the bathroom. My breathing began to speed up. I dug my hands into my pockets. I pulled out my wallet and and reached into the bill pocket. I pulled out an old razor blade that I had in there from a few years ago. I looked in the mirror debating if I really wanted to do it. I looked at my arm and drug the blade across my arm wincing at the long forgotten pain. I drug it across my skin again, this time pushing the blade deeper. I repeated this until my arm was completely covered in cuts. I washed off my arm and stood there until most of the bleeding had stopped. I pulled the sleeve on my sweater back down and put the blade back into my wallet. I walked out of the bathroom and was met by Mark. Instantly he handed me my meds which I took without question. Then we sat in the waiting room with Shane and Patrick for another few hours before falling asleep.