Love Game 3: To be or not to be? (√)

Episode 23

Episode 23
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Nakakabinging katahimikan ang bumabalot sa kwarto ngayon, Monique's holding my hand really really tight na halatang just like I am, o sobra pa nga ay kinakabahan.

Somehow I'm not sure with what I am currently feeling but I want to cosider my mom's tears as a hint. It's just that, I'm not really sure wether it's because of happiness or maybe in pain. Nalilito ako.

Basta pakiramdam ko, una siyang sinabihan ni Dok sa kung ano ang result and this is what her reaction is, ano nga kaya?

I took a deep breath just to try to calm myself down. Kaya mo 'to King, kaya--

"Negative," Dok said directly and I heard it like a bang and felt like I was shot by a gun,  "I'm sorry to say this Elijha, pero don't worry nag papa-second deliberation pa kami, tsaka isa pa may offer naman ang China, Australia--"

I can no longer listen to what he's saying.

I don't even know what to react...

Monique's crying really loud and I can feel the pain from her sobs. She's expecting a lot from this, kaso walang chance.

Pakiramdam ko hindi ako makahinga. Pakiramdam ko mas masakit pa ito kesa sa mga prosesong pinagdaanan ko.

Mas masakit pa sa mga tusok ng karayom na tinutusok sa aking katawan.

I failed.

I will die soon.

"Tay," she managed to talk, "This is just one of the hundreds of test na available pa diyan, h'wag ka naman ganyan, alalahanin mo naman na buo pa rin ang suporta namin sa'yo." Si Monique.

She's pretending to be strong again even though it's crystal clear to me how she's breaking inside and it somehow annoys me.

Paano na? I'm near my deadline at wala man lang kahit prevention para hindi lumala sa sakit na'to.

Paano na si Monique?

Paano na si Baby JM?

Paano ang pamilyang dapat sana bubuohin namin?

Si baby JM,

Hindi ko siya makikitang lumalaki, hindi namin magagawa ang bonding time namin dapat na pinlano kong gawin namin pag okay na ang lahat, mga guidance na naituro sa'kin nila Nana, paano ko maipapasa sa kanya? Knowing he's young, if he meets me today, and I die soon enough, he'll only forget me when he grows up, and that's sad.

Really really sad...

Pag naging pasaway siya at pinagalitan siya ni Monika, sino magtatanggol sa kanya? Balak ko pa naman sana gawin siyang Tatay's boy, kasi, gusto ko sanang mangyari iyon sa sarili ko eh. I want to be a dad definitely different from my real dad, and less strict than Tatay Mario.

I dreamt of a happy family with Monique as the mother of my children,

P-pero paano na? How can it be possible now?

"Tay!" Monique hugged me really really tight, "Don't act this way please... Please, Tay?!"

Kanina lang dama ko ang sakit ng katawan ko sa mga procedures na pinagdaanan ko, now, I feel really really numb. It feels like I died in an instant and it feels like my soul is about to depart from my body,

"Oh, tama na ang drama!"

Napatingin kami ni Monika kay Dok, at nag lakad ito palapit ito sa'min dalawa sa may kama.

"Dad!"

"Actually, practice ko lang iyon! Iyon kasi gusto ko sabihin eh kaso hindi pala iyon ang masasabi ko," he laughed all of a sudden.