Full Moon //Derek Hale//

Twenty-Three

"You know when you're drowning, you don't actually inhale until right before you black out. It's called voluntary apnea. It's like no matter how much you're freaking out, the instinct to not let any water in is so strong that you won't open your mouth until you feel like your head's exploding. But then when you finally do let it in, that's when it stops hurting. It's not scary anymore. It's- it's actually kind of peaceful."

Ms. Morrell stared at me as I fiddled with my thumbs, focusing at the nails that I had bitten down to the skin. "Are you saying you hope Matt felt some peace in his last moments?" She asked, getting one question from everything I had just said.

"I don't feel sorry for him." I admit, my feelings being pushed back for the late boy who had drowned not too long after he almost killed me.

"Can you feel sorry for the nine-year-old Matt who drowned?" She pushed on.

"Just because a bunch of dumbasses dragged him into a pool when he couldn't swim doesn't really give him the right to go off killing them one by one. And by the way, Sheriff Stilinski told me that they found a bunch of pictures of Allison and I on Matt's computer. And not just of us though. I mean, he photoshopped himself into these pictures. Stuff like us holding hands and kissing. You know, like he had built this whole fake relationship. So yeah, maybe drowning when he was nine years old was what sent him off the rails, but the dude was definitely riding the crazy train." I gritted out.

"One positive thing came out of this, though, right?" She said, her legs crossed as she focused on me.

"Yeah. Yeah, but I still feel like there's something wrong between us. I don't know. It's just like tension when I'm with someone. Same thing with Scott and Stiles." I sigh.

She nods her head, "Have you talked to either of them since that night?"

I shook my head a bit, looking away from her, "No, not really. I mean, we've got our own problems to deal with though." I thought back to the other day, Scott and I trying to talk to mom who just shut us out, completely. "I don't think Scott's talked to Allison either. But that might be more her choice, you know. Her mom dying hit her pretty hard. But I guess it brought her and her dad closer. Jackson? Jackson hasn't really been himself lately. Stiles, Stiles is trying to get everyone to come back together again. Actually the funny thing is, as of right now, Lydia is the one who seems the most normal."

"And what about you, Hallie? Feeling some anxiety for your friend and brother's championship game tomorrow night?" She said, noticing my fidgeting.

"No, but hey, since one of the teammates is dead and another one's missing, who knows, right?" I said, talking about Matt and Isaac.

"You mean, Isaac. One of the three runaways. You haven't heard from any of them, have you?" I sadly shook my head, feeling angry that I couldn't find three of my closest friends.

"How come you're not taking any nots on this?" I finally speak up.

"I do my notes after the session."

"Your memory's that good?" I question, surprised at her answer.

"How about we get back to you? Hallie?"

"I'm fine. Yeah, aside from the not sleeping, the jumpiness, the constant, overwhelming, crushing fear that something terrible is about to happen."

"It's called hyper-vigilance, the persistent feeling of being under threat." I nod along with her, knowing the word she was describing.

"But it's not just a feeling, though. It's-it's like it's a panic attack. You know, like I can't even breathe."

"Like you're drowning?"