Basically Infinity ∞ [DISCONTINUED]

(νιιι) мємσяιєѕ

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мємσяу ::

ѕσмєтнιиg яємємвєяє∂ fяσм тнє ραѕт; α яєςσℓℓєςтισи.

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         "I keep trying to forget. I keep trying to forget. But a couple days ago, it came back to me in a nightmare. It was pretty late. Aubrey and I were at a house party with people who went to our high school. We were invited because, well, high school was over. People got accepted into good universities and colleges, other people were deciding to pursue their dream jobs, and we were just celebrating. But, I mean, it was a little after school had ended. Over a year.

         I don't remember what time it was, but I remember that it was pretty late. Aubrey and Andrew were in another room, keep in mind the fact that the person throwing this party was rich so her house was huge, and they were probably sucking each other's face off making out or, like, having sex, I don't know. I just can't believe how much I lied. I lied in the game of Never Have I Ever. Because, well, I'm not a virgin. And... There was a point in time where I wasn't single. I had a boyfriend. I called him my boyfriend. I loved him.

         So the guy that I was with at the time was the first and last person that I've ever dated. Until now, of course. I was always unsure of him, but I was scared of him. I was scared that if I'd ever made him mad, he would hurt me more than he usually did. I was in an abusive relationship and I couldn't see it.

         I mean... I just would look at Aubrey and Andrew and always think: 'Wow, they're such a cute and perfect couple. I wish I had something like that'. Then I'd look at him and think that everyone had flaws and that this was going to work. I was so alone. But I hid everything. Not even Aubrey knew. And like I mentioned before, it was an abusive relationship. But I was so blind to that. That wasn't even in my vocabulary. I mean, I grew up around my perfect parents, my brother and his girlfriend, Aubrey's perfect parents, and Aubrey and Andrew. They all had such good and healthy relationships that I didn't even realize there was such thing as a 'bad relationship' or a 'not-so-good relationship'.

         I remember specifically one day where I came home from his house. I won't mention his name. I don't even want to think about it. He asked me to get him a drink from his kitchen. When I got a cup from the cupboard, I accidentally dropped it on the floor and it shattered. There was glass everywhere. I cleaned it up quickly and he came rushing in, mad. He was absolutely furious. And as abusive relationships sometimes go, he hit me. He punched me in the chest. But it was a really hard punch. So hard that a bruise formed stuff. Not as bad as it usually was.

         He, of course, didn't want anyone to find out. He always hurt me in spots that I could cover up. I went home, clutching where he had punched me. It ached. This was when I first moved in with Aubrey. All this. This abuse. This was happening pretty close to after my brother killed himself. I had to put up with all of it. Alone. I remember walking into the house and Aubrey waving at me. She was watching a movie with Andrew. She saw me holding onto my chest and wincing in pain and she asked me what was wrong. I told her it was nothing.

         And like the good friend she is, she sprang up and sprinted to me, then grabbed me by the shoulders. She pushed me towards the couch and Andrew got up. She shoved me onto it so I was lying down and she sat on top of me so I couldn't move. I protested over and over, telling her that I was okay. Andrew held my arms down and she pulled my shirt up as far as she could, almost covering my eyes. She saw the splotches of brown and blue and purple and green starting to form. Andrew took a look for himself once he heard her gasp.