Shawn Mendes Imagines {COMPLETED}

105. "I don't deserve you"

 I was having a really hard time today and as much as I didn't want to break up with my boyfriend Shawn, I felt like he should and could go off and find someone better than me. I don't deserve him. He does so much for me and I don't deserve it, any of it. Why is he even with me? I'm so ugly and fat and stupid. I try hard in school and I get good grades but I still feel like I'm stupid sometimes. I hate the way that I look. Shawn deserves someone better than me. Someone more suitable for him. Someone that's perfect for him. I laid on my bed and cried and cried and cried. I fell asleep crying. The next morning I woke up to something smelling good. I went down to the kitchen and found Shawn cooking. He saw me out of the corner of his eye and smiled at me.

"Hi baby girl. You fell asleep without me last night. Everything alright?" He asked.

"Yeah, I'm fine. I was just really tired," I lied. "Sorry babe." I said.

"It's fine, I was just surprised. Come kiss me." Shawn requested. I walked over to him and placed my hands on his biceps as his hands went to my waist. My lips and his lips met and moved in sync. I felt my blood pumping faster, I felt my heart race, I felt butterflies erupt and fly around in my stomach, and I felt sparks throughout my body. We pulled away. Shawn kissed my forehead. As loved as I felt, I still felt as though I don't deserve him.

"You know I love you, right?" I asked Shawn.

"Of course. I love you too. Why do you ask that baby?" Shawn asked me.

"No reason. Just wanted to make sure that you knew." I said.

"Okay..." Shawn said, hesitant. "Are you okay?" He asked.

"Yeah, I'm fine." I lied with a fake smile before putting my lips on his once again.

"I don't believe you." Shawn said.

"Well I'm okay Shawn, I'm fine, really." I lied again.

"Okay. If you say so." He said. Later that day Shawn went into the studio to work on some stuff so I took that as time to cry about how I felt. What I didn't hear was Shawn coming in or calling my name or anything. I was too busy crying. "Babe? What's wrong?" Shawn asked as he sat down on the bed with me. I turned away.

"Go away Shawn." I said.

"Did I do something?" Shawn asked.

"No." I said.

"Then why are you telling me to go away?" He asked.

"Because I just want to be alone." I said.

"I'm not leaving you until you tell me what has you so upset." Shawn said. I willed myself to stop crying and sighed.

"I don't deserve you. You should leave me Shawn. Go off and find someone better than me. Someone better for you, more suitable for you. I mean, come on Shawn. I'm ugly, I'm fat, and I'm stupid." I said, the tears making a reappearance.

"Hey, listen to me. If anyone doesn't deserve anyone here, I don't deserve you. I'm not going to leave you and I'm not going to let myself lose you. I can't live without you. Honey, no one gets better than you and that's the honest truth. You're beautiful and gorgeous and stunning and not at all fat. Honey you're so smart. You get all A's and you rock all of your classes. Please don't ever think that we shouldn't be together because of those reasons because those reasons aren't true. I love you, I love you, I love you. Do you believe me?" Shawn asked. By now I was reassured and his words had calmed me down. I nodded.

"I believe you Shawn. Thank you. I love you too baby boy. Will you cuddle with me please?" I asked.

"Of course, but let me kiss you first. Actually, will you let me prove to you how much I love you?" Shawn asked, a blush rising to his cheeks.

"Of course baby. I would love that." I said. So after Shawn made love to me we cuddled.