Shawn Mendes Imagines {COMPLETED}

134. Another Depression

My depression is something that can fully consume me. It makes me want to do absolutely nothing. I usually just want to lay in bed and cry my heart out. I hate it so much. It practically paralyzes me.

Today, Shawn is coming home to Boston after being in Toronto for Camila Cabello's concert. I don't know what triggered my depression, but I've been struggling lately. I haven't told Shawn any of this because I don't want him to worry about me. I know that he says that it's his job to worry about me, but that doesn't mean that I like it. I should be happy that Shawn is coming home, but instead I'm laying in bed curled up in a blanket staring at the wall, more depressed than I have been in a long time. I heard the door open and then shut.

"Baby girl, I'm home!" I heard Shawn yell. I didn't have the energy in me to respond. I heard Shawn walk around downstairs, probably looking for me, and then I heard him coming up the stairs. I heard him walk into the room, put his luggage down, pause, and then go in the bathroom and shut the door. Then, I heard him talking on the phone with someone.

"You're never going to believe what just happened Aaliyah." I heard Shawn say. "So I come home, expecting my lovely girlfriend to be waiting in the living room like always, but she's not there. So I look around the first floor, and I can't find her. So I go upstairs to our bedroom and she's asleep in bed. How could she do that to me? She always waits up for me. Why would she do this to me? Yeah, I know, it's kind of a jerk move." Shawn said. That was it. Cue the waterworks. I started to sob my heart out. I wasn't trying to be a jerk, I was trying to get through my depression. Then I heard Shawn talk again. "Hold on, I have to go." He walked out of the bathroom and I looked at him while sobbing.

"I heard every word you said Shawn." I found the energy to say. He looked shocked.

"Well why would you go to bed knowing that I'm coming home?" He asked, throwing his arms up in the air. I just wanted to be held by him. I needed to be held by him, but I knew that right now he wouldn't do it. He was too mad.

"It's not that Shawn, I swear." I said, still sobbing.

"Then please, Y/n, enlighten me." He said.

"I'm so depressed Shawn. I needed to sleep away my pain. Nothing is helping me and I've been struggling so much and so hard lately. I didn't want to tell you that I've been struggling because I didn't want you to worry. I know that you say that that's your job, but I hate making you worry. I'm just so, so, sad Shawn. I don't know what to do." I cried. Shawn rushed over to me and engulfed me in a hug.

"I'm so sorry baby. I wasn't here for you and then I was a complete asshole. I'm so sorry honey. Please forgive me." Shawn pleaded, his caramel eyes looking into my eyes. I nodded.

"Okay, I forgive you. Just please let me explain myself first before you jump to conclusions. Don't make assumptions." I said. Shawn nodded.

"Okay. Do you want me to get into bed and hold you?" Shawn asked.

"Yes please. Right now I just need you." I said. Shawn got into bed and laid on his back. I put my head on his chest and he grabbed my leg and slung it over the lower half of his body. He kissed my forehead a few times before resting his head back down.

"You know I love you, right baby girl?" Shawn asked.

"Yes. And you know I love you too, right?" I asked. Shawn nodded his head.

"I do. I'm so sorry I was a jerk honey." He said.

"Hey, it's okay. It's in the past now, we can't go back and change it." I said.

"How did I get so lucky?" Shawn asked me. I hummed.

"I'm the lucky one. Lucky in love?" I asked, saying our motto/saying.

"Lucky in love, my love." Shawn said. And with that, he held me tight and we fell asleep together.