142. Where Were You In The Morning?

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My boyfriend Shawn Mendes came out with a new song yesterday called Where Were You In The Morning, and as much as I like it, I'm struggling to love it. Shawn and I have been together for two great years. Why is he writing and singing about a one night stand that he had over two years ago? It kind of hurts my feelings if I'm being completely honest. Shawn would be home soon and I wasn't sure if I should talk to him about how I'm feeling. This will be the first time that I've seen him since the song came out because he had that special concert. A car soon pulled into the driveway and Shawn walked in the door.

"Hi. How's my baby girl doing?" Shawn asked me.

"Hi baby boy. I'm good. I missed you. How are you doing?" I said. Shawn walked over to me, kissed my forehead, then my nose and then my lips, and then sat down next to me. I moved myself so my legs and feet were in his lap.

"I missed you too. I'm good. People are loving the new song. Do you love it?" Shawn asked me. I know that he values my opinion a lot so I'll have to be honest with him.

"I like it. It's really good." I said with a fake smile. Shawn frowned.

"You like it, but do you love it?" Shawn asked.

"It's a bit hard for me to love when it's about a one night stand that my boyfriend had before we started dating two years ago." I said, emphasizing the words years.

"I'm sorry." Was all that Shawn said. I nodded my head.

"Can I ask why you wrote about it?" I asked. Shawn thought for a short moment before speaking.

"I guess that it popped into my head one day and I just decided to write about it." Shawn said.

"Why would a one night stand you had two years ago pop into your head?" I asked, anger rising within me. I took my feet and legs off of his lap and brought them to my chest.

"I don't know Y/n, it just did." Shawn said, and I could tell that the anger was rising within him too.

"I don't know how to feel about that." I said.

"Well it was just a thought that I had." Shawn said. By this point I felt like I was going to cry, but I held my tears back.

"How do you think this is going to make us look? You make it sound like it happened recently, like while you were with me." I pointed out. Shawn nodded his head.

"I'm sorry babe." Shawn said.

"That's all you have to say? That you're sorry?" I asked. Shawn stood up.

"Well what do you want me to say Y/n?" Shawn asked, throwing his arms up into the air. I stood up too.

"I don't know Shawn, but this song hurts. I like it, but it hurts to listen to it." I said. Shawn looked pained and his face softened. He tried to walk towards me to give me a hug but I backed away. His face looked even more pained when I did that and I couldn't look at him, so I looked at the floor.

"I'm so sorry honey. I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to make you feel hurt. Please forgive me." Shawn requested.

"I need some air." I said. I walked out to our back deck and leaned against the railing of it. I had shut the door behind me, signifying to Shawn that I wanted to be alone.

Shawn's point of view

I didn't mean to hurt my beautiful baby girl Y/n. I wrote a song about a one night stand that I had over two years ago. Y/n doesn't know that the reason why the one night stand popped into my head is because one morning I woke up and my girlfriend wasn't next to me, causing me to think that she had left me just like another girl did. Should I tell her? No, I should let her be for right now. She said she needed air. I saw her come back inside and I walked over to her.

"I'm just getting my book and then I'm going back out there Shawn." She said. I was hurt, but I needed to give her the space that she wanted. I love her.

"Okay." Was all that I said. I watched her as she grabbed her book, went back outside, and pulled up a chair that we have out there to the corner of the deck.

She sat out there for a long time, reading her book the whole time. I watched the television but every once in a while I would glance over and see if she was still there or if she had gone down the steps and into the backyard. It became nighttime and she must have been struggling to read because of the dark lighting and she must have been cold too because I saw her rub her arm with the hand that wasn't holding the book. I decided to help her. I went upstairs, grabbed her reading light and a sweatshirt, and went outside.

"Here you go." I said, handing her the reading light and sweatshirt.

"Thanks." She said while offering me a small smile. I stood there, making sure that she put the sweatshirt on and clipped the reading light onto her book. She did, and I turned to go back inside but stopped myself.

"You know I love you, right?" I asked. She looked at me for a moment.

"If you really do truly love me, why would you write about a one night stand that happened in the past?" She asked. Time to tell her. I pulled up a chair and sat down beside her.

"There was one morning that I woke up and you weren't there, next to me. I got nervous and anxious. I thought that you had left me like that other girl did in the past. I thought that I lost you. I went downstairs and you were there, making breakfast, but she wasn't, and the whole situation reminded me of that one time." I said. She put her bookmark in her book and closed it. She leaned over and rubbed my cheek.

"I'm so sorry. Why didn't you tell me earlier?" She asked.

"I don't know. I guess I didn't want you to know that I can get insecure at times." I said. She looked pained.

"Baby, everyone gets insecure at times. I get insecure all of the time, you know that. But what do you do when I get insecure?" She asked me.

"I reassure you that I'm never going to leave you and that I love you." I responded.

"Exactly. Let me do the same thing. Please." She begged. I nodded my head.

"Okay. I will. I just don't like being insecure." I said.

"Honey no one does. It's a terrible feeling. But we have to lean on each other, that's what we're here for, to be there for the other person, right?" She asked me.

"Right. I love you." I said.

"I love you too." She said.

"Come on, let's go inside. It's cold out here and the lighting isn't good for your reading." I said. She nodded.

"Okay." She said. We stood up and walked inside. I walked over to my phone and put on 'Thinking Out Loud' by Ed Sheeran. She knew what I was about to do, so she stood in the kitchen and opened her arms up. I walked over to her and put my hands on her waist as she wrapped her arms loosely around my neck. We swayed our hips and danced around the kitchen to the beautiful song.

At the end of the song, I kissed her forehead slowly, then her nose, then her lips. I made sure to put all of my love into the kiss. I felt sparks shootout throughout my body like fireworks. I felt my blood pump faster. I felt butterflies erupt and fly around in my stomach, and I felt my heart race as if I had just run a marathon, all as our lips moved in sync with each other. We pulled away, gasping for air after our rather passionate kiss.

"I love you darling." I said. She smiled at me as we looked into each other's eyes.

"I love you too." She said. I'll love her forever, and now I know that everything will be okay. I'll never have to wonder where she is in the morning.

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