Kenzie Gilbert: The Coercive Twin (5)

10: Secrets & Unicorns

Chapter Ten

I walked into my shared dorm room, Caroline was the only one there. "Hey! What are you doing here?" She grinned. She sat on her bed, a text book in her lap.

"Leaving Stefan," I answered and she immediately closed the book. "I threw my engagement ring at him. Because he's an inconsiderate, jealous jerk who didn't even chase after me or call!"

"Whoa," she frowned, standing up. She met me halfway and wrapped me in a hug as my face crumbled. "Oh, Kenzie."

"Damon never loved me," I mumbled into her shoulder. She pulled back to hold me at arm's length. "He lied."

"What? Isn't that a good thing?" She asked, smiling weakly, hoping I would too. But I didn't. I shook my head at her.

"He used me. He led me on, flirted with me all to piss off Stefan...and to make Elena jealous. He had fallen for her all along."

"I knew it!"

"Caroline," I scowled, shoving her away.

"No... I'm sorry. I just, I don't know I thought there was always something between them."

"Well then you were right. Not a surprise. Matt, Stefan, Damon... Everyone wanted her. No one ever wanted me. Stefan probably started dating me out of pity," I scoffed.

"Don't say that."

"He accused me of being jealous that Elena got Damon's affection. Like I give a damn about her! It's about me! The guy I threw myself at, rejected me. The one who was always flirting and making me smile was faking it. Because all he wanted was Katherine and Elena. It didn't matter that we all look the exact same. I'm uglier and pathetic. And that's why Elena is everyone's favorite twin. Like she's yours, right?" I asked bitterly and Caroline furrowed her brows.

"What? Kenzie... It's not a competition."

"Of course not, Caroline. You're such a hypocrite. Why don't you just let Stefan cry on your shoulder? Y'all are close and I'm sure he needs to pretend he's upset and not dodging a bullet marrying me," I retorted.

I turned around before she could stop me, walking off to my new dorm that I had all alone. Of course Caroline called after me, but didn't follow me thankfully. So I sat on my bed, kicking off my shoes before laying down. I cocooned myself in my blankets and wrapped my arm around my teddy bear—Stefanator. And the tears started to fall quickly down my cheeks.

When I tried to stop a wretched sob left my lips and then I was coughing and breathless from crying harder. I haven't felt this insecure or alone in a long time. It was like I was worthless. Like when I was pining after Stefan when I first laid eyes on him. I wanted him so badly. And I really thought he liked me from that very first day. I thought he'd be the first guy who EVER liked me. And then he went on to date my twin sister instead. I got my hopes up to be crushed.

That's why it hurt so bad that she was it for Damon too. He used me, stole my first real kiss, and led me on. I thought someone—again—really liked me. But that turned out to be a lie. And I was forcing myself to like him back, which got me hurt too because I allowed myself to care. There was so many times I almost kissed him because I was into him. I was attracted to him. And then I finally kissed him when it felt perfect. Turns out I was the last thing he wanted and he didn't care if it hurt me.

It all makes sense. That's why he was the one who compelled Jeremy to forget about vampires in the beginning while I sobbed and tugged him desperately to stop him. But all he clearly saw was a broken girl with no hope. Who needed her twin to speak for her, to take care of her. It's how he's always kind of looked at me. His blue eyes were so beautifully filled with deceit and pity. I hate him.