A Tale of One Deviant (Book One)

Chapter 118: Humans Will Never Change...

Depressed. Ashamed. Numb.

     So many things, I felt. All of them tore me apart inside, brewing the terrible emotions of uselessness in my deteriorating soul.

     That's right. The little boost I'd gotten from Keir so long ago, the one that healed up my soul...once it'd completely closed, it broke apart even more and started tearing itself apart.

     Besides the time I killed all of those people in the forest of one of Leonera's underground rings, with Andrew there, I'd never felt so terrible in my life.

     So weak.

     Helpless.

     "Firea-Madeline, why are you so sad?" Mother asked, taking my hands in hers as she sat me on a couch in a parlor that I woke up in and kneeled down in front of me. She looked so sad herself, because I had caused her pain once again. Caused her and Father more trouble, more problems. "It hurts me to not know why you are this way."

     "Why don't you just disown me already?" I asked in a lifeless voice. "I cause so much trouble, and pain...why not get rid of me?"

     "What?" Mother breathlessly gasped, eyes widening at me. My head was down, staring passed our hands at my lap. My shoulders were drooped, eyes creasing. I was coming close to crying, yet I knew I wouldn't. I hated crying. "Firea-Madeline, what are you saying?"

     "I cause so much trouble, and pain...why not get rid of me? I have problems everyday, I keep so many secrets, I'm at death's door constantly...I'm so unfilial. Why do you still put up with me, six years later?"

     "Because you're our daughter," Father sighed. "Why don't you get that?"

     "Because you're my father, you do not understand. You're obligated to love me."

     "That's not true," he shook his head, standing up from where he leaned on the couch's back, behind me. His hands had been in his pockets, but he took them out as he hopped over, using nothing but pure physical skill to land on the other side lightly, feet barely tapping on the ground before he sat down next to me. "I would love you even if you weren't my daughter."

     "No matter what?" I scoffed, thinking. If he knew I was a Demon, he wouldn't. I've thought about that so many times, but never did I think to tell him. Humans break so easily, after all. I knew from experience.

     I looked in the mirror everyday.

     "No matter what," Mother answered, grasping my hands harder.

     "That's not true," I shook my head. "You wouldn't love me if I wasn't human."

     "I love your mother and she's only half," he said, sliding an arm around my shoulders.

     "She's more human than dragon."

     "Please, I'm more of a wild beast that anything," Mother cracked a small smile. "You're more human than me."

     My tired eyes rolled around as I looked up at Father, then Mother. My head didn't move. "There's nothing human about me..."

     "...does it matter?"

     "Yes," I said firmly, glaring slightly down at my lap again. "It does."

     Stop grasping for straws.

     "Is it so bad of me to say that we'd love you no matter what you were?" Mother was attempting to get through to me, but I rejected every notion. These people, these Tasegans, they've been learning the ways of the gods for so long that I didn't see how they could love me unless they rejected everything they believed in.