A Tale of One Deviant (Book One)

Chapter 196: Walked Right Into That One

"-they love me...they love me...they love me..."

     "They do. I told you this, plenty of times," Magaris sighed, leaning her head backward to accommodate me shoved up under her chin. Suds streaked down into the sink from outstretched arms, paused in washing the dishes. "And yet you pretend to only have learned this today."

     "Magaris," I pulled back for probably the sixth time since teleporting there, looking wild in her eyes, jumping up in down where I held myself in the air, hand latched onto her sleeve to keep us tethered together. "They love me..."

     Magaris gave the slightest of smiles, again, to acknowledge what I was over the moon about. Yes, sure, later it could all just crash and burn again, but I was banking on that to not happen for the sake of my happiness to just stay afloat for even a few days more. Just the end of the year, please.

     "Firea," she began, putting a hand of suds on top of my head and pushing down when I got too close. "Calm down, please. You can tell me all about it while I'm doing the dishes, but I might lose my chin if you try to give me all of the love they should be getting. You know you should've just stayed the night - or completely moved back there - right?"

     "They love me!"

     Euphoria took me over and didn't let go. I wasn't willing to let go either, so it worked out perfectly as I slipped from under her arms, drifting about the kitchen like a creature of the ocean come out to drift the air instead.

     "They love me..."

     To be honest, it wasn't a pure feeling. 95% euphoria, and 105% dread.

     What if-

     But I ignored the 105% and looked through as many rose-colored lenses as I could find. That was not the moment for pessimism, what if, will they someday, maybe this is a mistake.

     That was a moment for letting a victory ride me all the way to bliss.

     "..."

     This time.

     "Magaris."

     Gentle clinking of silverware resumed as she sloshed them around in the sink. "Yes, Firea."

     "I'm going to try harder this time."

     The clinking kept going, but Magaris didn't miss a beat. "I have no doubt that you'll try  exactly that, which worries me."

     "Worries you?" I turned over just a bit in the air, having been looking up to the never-ending blue high above, up through the chute of the ceiling letting in all of that natural light. "Isn't that a good thing? I'm going to try harder this time."

     "Try harder to do what?"

     "To..."

     "To love your family? To stay with them?" A myriad of forks clinked into the drying rack, tines to the sky. "You already did that. What are you going to try harder to do this time?"

     "..."

     "Don't try harder to do anything, you'll burn yourself out. You have enough on your plate with all the things you do, and if you try harder and have more expectations, you'll only be disappointing yourself when your priorities have you elsewhere and you fail to show up for or do whatever you promise them. Just love them this time, know you can go to them, and don't hide anymore. That's all you have to do."

     "..."

     Slowly, surely, I started to calm down. Righting to be vertical, taking in deep breaths so I could think clearly and not promise myself something I'd only make myself regret later.