Velaryon: A Game of Thrones Fan Fiction

Consideration - Jon

     Stannis' offer of legitimization still plays over and over in his head, something he had longed for in his youth. He wanted nothing more than to be considered one of his father's true children, but it never happened. Long had it began to dissipate from his mind due to more pressing matters showing their heads and taking up his time. He had forgotten about it entirely, even telling himself it was never meant to be. But now, that option is back. He doesn't know what to do. Yes, his place is here now and truly, the worst thing to think of would be leaving. He cannot leave the Wall - ever. Stannis is a man who follows the law down to every last word. If he so much as catches wind of Jon and Rhaena, he would take everything back and execute them both. That much has been made clear as day since the King arrived.

     And so, he seeks his love to ask for her guidance. What would she think? Given her experience being here, she would take any option to leave as well, but would she leave him here? Of course she wouldn't. He enters the mead hall calmly and scans for her as he walks towards the back rooms. He finds her watching him quietly as she cuts carrots for whatever stew Hobb has thought up tonight. Giving her a subtle nod, she moves her eyes away and picks up a basket filled halfway with leeks and potatoes. "Hobb," She says in her sweet voice as Jon passes by. "I'm going to sort these, is that okay?"

     "Aye. Take your time. Supper will be delayed tonight anyways, enjoy the time while you can." Poor oblivious Hobb tells her. Jon reaches one of the storage rooms before she does and waits inside as her footsteps grow closer. Once she is inside, Jon shuts the door immediately.

     "I thought it would be too risky meeting during the day." Rain teases and sets her basket down. Jon slips one hand around her waist and pulls her close for a long kiss. He always savors all of the moments they get to spend alone. They are always his favorite times of the day. She seems surprised at his quick display of affection, but kisses him back regardless. When he pulls away, she is smiling happily. "I must warn you, I don't intend on going further for the time being. I am needed soon."

     Jon chuckles. "I don't either. I just needed to speak with you." Her smiles fades slightly.

     "Is everything alright?"

     "Yes, love. I just..." He stops and inhales slowly. "I just want to hear your opinion on something troubling me."

     Rain still looks worried and Jon appreciates her concern. Her concern is just another reminder of how much she loves him. He pulls her in for an embrace, but she only seems more anxious. "You're scaring me. Please, just tell me already." She pleads.

     "King Stannis wants me to ride with him to take back Winterfell from the Boltons." For a moment, neither of them say a thing. Though, Rain's grip around him tightens like she fears he will leave tomorrow. "If I do, he's promised to name me Jon Stark." She suddenly pulls away to stare up at him with wide, amazed eyes.

     "I don't want to sound like a terrible person, but isn't it every bastard's dream to be legitimized?"

     "It is." Jon answers her, his eyes trailing off to look at nothing. "But... To me, it doesn't feel as rewarding as it should be." He blinks and looks at her sadly. "I truly believed that one day, Lord Eddard Stark would surprise me with it. I'd finally be what I always wanted to be." In a way, he finally finds his answer. "I'm not a Stark. I'll never be a Stark." Those words are painful to say, just as they always have been. Even though it will never happen, at least he won't have the thoughts of 'What if' tormenting him in his mind. Had Stannis asked him when Rhaena was not here, holding his heart, would he have said yes?

     She must be happy with his words due to the sad smile on her lips. "I suppose you don't need my council then." Rain then raises her eyebrows. "Or maybe you do."

     "What do you mean?"

     "Sam has been talking about nominating you for Lord Commander." She says sweetly. Jon stares in disbelief. Him? Surely there are better candidates than him. No, he remembers. Ser Alliser is running against Denys Mallister. Denys has a good heart and good intentions, but Jon fears he will lose. Alliser surely has been spreading word of his campaign and Jon knows well enough that he will win based on fear. But if Jon was nominated...

     "I can't." He lets her go and backs away, shaking his head.

     "You can. There are those who believe in you. I know you'll make an excellent leader." Despite her words, he still cannot bring himself to believe in him. Something will go wrong if he is elected, he knows it. He shakes his head again. "Jon-"

     "No." He turns to open the door. "I can't live with the thought of knowing I'll let everyone down. I can't. I'm sorry." He storms out and back through the mead hall. No one will ever live up to replacing Jeor Mormont, not even him. He may have served under him and learned what he could in the time he knew him, but Jon feels little confidence in pursuing the role. Besides, there is not a chance in all of the hells that he could win against Ser Alliser is there?