Figuring it Out (A Rickian Story)

How Can We Go On?

Authors Note:  I think we get new Rickian videos today!  Sorry this is so sad but it is where the story is right now.

Ricky's POV

I am in a daze. Connor is sobbing and JC is bawling like I have never seen before. Even though I am wrapped around Connor and right next to JC, I am totally numb. I am too shocked to cry. It all just seems to go black and I don't know what to say. Sam can't really be dead. This is a sick joke. Things like this happen to other people, not to me, not to O2L. I try to picture Sam all happy to ease the pain. Then another face comes into my head.

"Kian!" I scream out.

Connor snaps to attention and releases from my embrace. His sobbing subsides and his coping instincts, which we have relied on for years, take over. He puts an arm around JC who is still inconsolable and looks me in the eye. "Mia said something about not getting an answer when she tried to call him. That's why she called me," he says in a weak voice.

"He went to visit Andrea and said his phone was out of juice." I respond. My mind is racing. "I have to find him and tell him."

"Right," Connor responds, "We need to find and tell Trevor too. No one else should find out by phone or god forbid tweet if we can help it. You go find and tell Kian. JC and I will find Trevor."

JC stops sobbing a little and nods. I look down and begin to cry again. Connor grabs me by the arm and looks me in the eye. "Try as hard as you can to be strong Ricky. This is real bad for all of us, but its going to be devastating for Kian. He needs you now like he has never needed you before." I understand Connor's words completely and I feel stronger.

"Guys," JC calls out, "I kinda sorta feel like we should pray, you know for Sam and his family." Although some of us do wear crucifixes at times, prayer really isn't a big part of O2L so this unsual. But we join hands and JC says a short prayer asking God to take care of Sam, and his family, and us. I hug JC tight afterward. Somehow, after that, I am ready to do what I need to do. I grab my keys and begin to head out.

"Ricky," Connor calls after me, "Please drive safe. If you need to cry, pull over. Oh and are we agreed no-one tweets or posts anything until at least both Kian and Trevor know. If you talk to anyone, ask them not to post anything about Sam until we have told the others."

"That makes sense." I respond.

"One more thing Ricky, I love you and I love Kian, make sure he knows that." Connor says. JC nods in agreement as I head out the door.

I get in my car and take a deep breath. In a few short minutes, our world has gone from a nice breakfast to tragically changed forever. I am still numb. I think about Sam. Did he even feel anything? Was he scared? Life is so fleeting. I start the car and back out slowly. The road is clear but my thoughts are not. I turn towards Andrea's place, hoping Kian is still there. This is going to be the hardest thing I have ever had to do. I have to tell my best friend that his oldest and other closest friend is dead. Taken from us at 18 years old. It can't be true. It's just not fair. I use Connor's words about being strong for Kian to guide me on the way. I start praying again. The drive is agonizing. My thoughts come back to seeing Sam happy at the party last night. He can't really be gone can he?

I pull into the lot by Andrea's complex and park. I hope Kian is still here. I take two deep breathes and think about what I am going to say. I get out and walk around the corner to Andrea's. I can't help but cry a little thinking about Sam and telling Kian. By sheer coincidence I come face to face with the tall blue haired boy I am seeking, wearing my white t-shirt. He has just left Andrea's door and he freezes when he sees me about forty feet away.

Kian's POV

Andrea and I had a great two hour breakfast and talked all about her plans. I am so happy we are reconnected on good terms even though she is leaving and we can't be together...for now. I turn and head up the walk when suddenly, wham, I see Ricky forty feet away. I freeze. His face, it looks like he has seen a ghost. It's clear he's been crying. An unbelievable pit forms in my stomach and I feel sick. All of a sudden I'm scared. Whatever it is, it's bad, really bad. I run toward Ricky and can't help but put my arms around him. "Kiki" is all he can say.