Figuring it Out (A Rickian Story)

Trevor

Kian's POV

I head up to my room to grab my laptop and a couple of other things for "camping" out with Ricky. I have a feeling tonight is going to be interesting. I know all I need is to be close to him.

I find Trevor asleep in my unused bed. Ricky and I set it up the day after we moved in but I haven't slept in it since we moved. Trevor looks peaceful and I wonder what he is dreaming about. I am glad he can sleep.

I thought I could get in and out fast but then Trevy stirs and rolls over. I remember why he's here and how he shares in the pain we are all feeling. I can't help it. I sit in my chair, staring at him and the sorrow and emptiness rush back. Tears start streaming down my face but its all sadness, no anger. I just cry. My world is still so messed up, even with Ricky and uncertainty clouds my thoughts.

I don't know how long I have been crying and I don't even hear or see him enter. I just feel warm arms slowly envelop me from behind and a soft "Kian" whispered in my ear. His cheek is nestled gently against my hair. I try to stop sobbing but instead I feel light tears stream down Ricky's face. We are trapped in a moment of sorrow, sympathy, and comfort and I slowly stop sobbing at the thought that this is a love like no other and its mine to discover and protect.

My thoughts are then distracted by Trevor rolling over and waking up. He stares at us through cloudy eyes and exclaims meekly, "kind of creepy guys."

"Sorry Trev, I came in to find Kian and he was crying and we kind of got lost in a moment." Ricky replies.

I get up and go sit on the bed next to Trevor and muss his hair. "Sorry bud, Sam's death has messed us all up real bad. I came in here to get some stuff and I was just thinking of the pain you've been feeling, that we've all been feeling, and it got to me."

"I want to cry but I just can't . If I cry it's too real and it can't be." Trevor tells us.

Ricky sits down on the other side of Trev. "Oh Trev, we all need to cry and we need to comfort each other. As awful as losing Sam has been, it's brought me and Kian closer together than ever; it's kept Connor with us; it's strengthened all of our friendships. Did you ever think Connor would visit you every day for a week?"

"Connor's awesome. Like an extra big brother. You all are...I just have... one less." Trev responds. My heart breaks again but I manage to hold back the tears.

"Sam will always be our brother, it's just different now." Ricky explains. That makes me smile.

"We're gonna have some fun this weekend but if you need to break down and cry, do it. We're here for each other." I add and wink at Ricky. I really hope when he finally breaks down its with Connor or JC though, I am not sure I could take it.

Trevor gets up quietly and hugs us both and heads to the bathroom. For a young guy he's emotionally complex.

Ricky's POV

We actually have a fun night with no tears, all five of us. Connor orders pizza and wings and has like eight different flavors of ice cream ready. We watch one of Sam's favorite movies and have a Mario Kart tournament, which Connor and I lose badly. Kian and I try not to be too cuddly so the other's aren't uncomfortable as Trevor doesn't even know anything is going on yet.

Connor even vlogs a little and takes a few photos of the remainder of O2L "hanging out and coping."

At about 2 am, we all head for bed. It's going to be an interesting night with Kian. I decide to wear sleep pants and a t-shirt to bed while Kian strips to his boxers.

"Why are you wearing all of that to bed? Don't you want to snuggle?" He asks.

"Of course I want to cuddle but if there is too much skin involved, I'm going to get way aroused and uncomfortable. How about you put on a shirt?" I respond. The reality of my attraction to Kian has hit hard and if we are going to sleep together, I would rather not get blue balls in the process. We are taking it slow.