Figuring it Out (A Rickian Story)

Saying Goodbye to Sam Part 1

Author's Note:  This chapter was getting really long so I decided to split it in two.

Ricky's POV

Time kind of flies by at the Pottorff's, which is a good thing.  I did my best to reminisce with Sam's family and friends in as positive manner as possible.  Kian does a great job with Sam's family.  I hope it helps him to talk with them all.  Levi led him around most of the time.  After about an hour or so, you could tell the Pottorff's were exhausted and we excused ourselves.

So we exit the Pottorff's and I really haven't had a chance to talk with Trevor much.  He says very little when I make small talk.  As the youngest he still isn't processing the whole situation well.  I make a mental note to try harder with him tomorrow.  We say goodbye and head for the long drive back to Sherman Oaks. JC takes one car to visit Lia so Connor joins Kian and me in my car.  Connor and I get in the front while we wait for Kian to finish hugging the Pottorff's goodbye. 

"We should film a video tomorrow before the visitation." says Connor matter of factly, "Just something short to acknowledge the situation.  I don't know if Trevor will be up for it though?"

"Let's ask Kian if he thinks we should."  I respond.  I desperately don't want to do anything inappropriate in Kian's mind.

Kian walks briskly from the house to the car and gets in the back seat without saying a word.  I start the car.  Connor looks at Kian and asks him about the video.

"We probably need one but I dont think I can do it, Con. You and Ricky do it"  Kian responds almost without emotion.

I pull out of the driveway and head down the street.  Connor tries to continue conversation.  "Um...JC and I were talking and we have an idea...but it may be inappropriate...we were thinking the five of us could wear the black tuxedos with the dark red ties from our photoshoot to the visitation.  What do you think?"

"I love it Con.  I think Sam would love it."  I respond.  It's the best idea I have heard all day.  "What do you think Kian?"

"Yeah, sure...he'd like that..."  Kian trails off. 

"Ok, I'll arrange it all tomorrow morning.  We may need new measurements for Trev.  He's grown a lot lately."

Suddenly Kian drops from view of my rear view mirror.  I slow to a stop and look back.  Kian is lying in the back sheet in a fetal position sobbing.  Oh no, this is bad I think.  Real bad.  What do we do?  I look at Connor.

"Should we talk with him some more?", I whisper, "or should we let him be?"

"Maybe try talking softly and positively."  Connor responds.  "Why don't you let me drive, this is going to be too distracting for you."

Connor is right and I pull completely over and switch seats.  Connor gets us going again and I reach back to Kian to try and rub his back.  This is awkward from the front seat.  He is inconsolible, huddled up and shivering.  I am extra worried.  It's a long drive including highways and Kian isn't buckled in.  I look at Connor in distress.  He whispers that there is nothing we can do but talk to Kian and drive carefully.  We spend the next hour talking about anything we can.  Stories of Sam, what to put in the video, the funeral.  Nothing draws out Kian from his self-imposed hole.

We finally get home and Connor heads right inside and up to his room. I'm not surprised, in difficult times he always needs some space to think things out. I open the back door of my car and look at Kian who is still quietly shivering in a ball on the back seat. How many times is my heart going to break today? I run a hand gently along his back and offer another hand to help him out of the car. I am relieved when he takes my hand and gets out of the car, albeit quietly and with a dazed look of numb pain. I whisper, "We are going to have to try to sleep, do you want to hang out in your room?"