Figuring it Out (A Rickian Story)

And Then It Happened

Kian's POV

Ricky's gaze never leaves my face as he comes in to his room. He sets his chair back up and sits down opposite me. I rise to get up and embrace him but he motions for me to sit down. I feel so guilty and stupid and I don't know how to fix this.

"We were just blowing off some stress Kian and telling some of our favorite memories of Sam." Ricky pleads with me. I can't believe he is blaming himself. I put my head in my hands before looking into his sad eyes."

"No Ricky, I way overreacted and was totally wrong. I can't believe I did this to you, I'm so sorry. Connor and I had a really good talk along with some others. I don't know why I would hurt you after all you have done for me. I am just so sorry. How do I fix this?" I am close to tears again.

"Other than helping me clean-up, you don't fix this. When I said we would work through Sam's death together, I meant it. I know it's never going to be easy and let's face it, you're just destructive sometimes. But I felt like you must hate me for some reason to do this."

"I could never hate you Ricky. I am just so messed up and boy did I mess up. Forgive me?"

Ricky nods. I am not quite ready to dare ask for a hug yet, so I tell him, "It's my job to clean this up. Here, let me get you something to drink and a snack and then I'll get to it." I head off down the stairs and grab some vitamin water and protein bars for Ricky. When I return to his room, he is already cleaning up. Despite my destructiveness, I didn't manage to actually break to much. I make a small pile of items to replace. I am still nervous. Ricky eats his snack but doesn't say much as we clean. I am relieved when we are nearly done and he comes over and puts an arm around me and whispers "it's ok." I don't deserve a friend like Ricky.

Ricky's POV

After cleaning up my room, I decided that Kian and I needed a little time apart to reflect and I needed to sober up. Connor went to his room and shut the door. I wasn't sure if it was to pass out, cry, or text someone special. It was clearly Connor alone time though. The key to a strong friendship with Connor is to respect his alone time. I am totally different. I can spend hours in the same room as Kian or Connor or JC, barely say ten words but revel in the fact they are just there. Connor likes that too but often he just needs to be on his own. So I grab JC and we take a very long walk down the hills to get some stuff at the store. JC and I talk about many things but eventually the talk turns to O2L and Youtube.

"We need to try to get back to as normal as possible and videos are what we do. I mean I've been tweeting a little and even put a snapchat up last night." JC says.

"We have problems though. I don't think Kian and Trevor are ready to film and there are only four of us left in O2L." I reply.

"What about Connor?" JC asks, "I think he is going to vlog a little about Sam and how he feels on his own channel for next Monday. At least that is what he told me. Do you think we can convince him to come back to O2L?"

"I don't know. I think Kian or Trevor could," I say with some guilt knowing we kind of used Kian's emotional state to convince Connor to move with us. "I don't want to put that pressure on him. It's not fair and we have to do what is best for each other. I am just so glad to have him in the room down the hall."

JC nods. "Let's hold a group discussion. See if anyone wants to film. We should do a tribute to Sam week and each pick a favorite Sam video to rebroadcast. That would be an easy start."

"We could also record some thoughts on our main channels like Connor is going to. That would take the pressure of those who aren't ready." I reply. It's a good plan. JC and I grab a few groceries and food for the others and head back to the house.