Figuring it Out (A Rickian Story)

Connor's Speech

Ricky's POV

Kian has slept in my bed for the past six days. We haven't even discussed it much. It just needs to happen. Kian definitely isn't back to anything close to normal but how could any of us be. I feel very close to Kian right now and very needed although I am confused about how I feel about cuddling with him every night. Confused because I like it so much.

I leave Kian sleeping soundly once again and take a long shower, thinking about this whole situation and how much I miss Sam. I get dressed and head downstairs where Connor treats me to some of the waffles he is making.

"What are you up to today, Con?" I ask.

"I have a meeting with Andrew and then I am headed to see Trevor for a while. Hopefully he is having a brighter day and we can go see a movie. Did you sleep well?" Connor asks with a raised eyebrow.

"Yeah, we had a good night." I respond.

"So you and Kian are still sleeping together?" He asks, with a smile.

"Yeah...sleeping...we are sleeping together and I think it has made things better. But you know there is nothing more going on Con." I reply a little indignantly.

"I know," says Connor, "I'm really not insinuating anything. It's kinda cute. But is it going to continue? I want to invite Trevor to spend a couple nights with us. I think it would be good for him. He could stay in Kian's room."

"I don't know how long this will last, till Kian feels secure I guess. But inviting Trevor is a great idea. You know that the security of sharing a bed with a friend really seems to help. Have you tried cuddling with Trevor?" I ask.

"I think me cuddling in bed with Trevor is a little different than you and Kian, even if it is totally innocent. I think Blake may have spent a night with him though."

"What about for you? Couldn't you use a warm cuddle rather spending nights alone with all that has happened?" I ask this in total sympathy.

Connor grins widely, "Who says I've been spending all my nights alone...are you keeping track of where I am each night?" He says wryly. "I've got to go."

I watch Connor head out with a surprised look on my face. Who is he sleeping with? A little mystery for us to solve. I finish eating and plan my day.

A little later. Still Ricky's POV

I wake up from a short nap, alone in the O2L house. It's a rare moment of quiet over the past week since Sam was killed. We have had a lot of people around to support us and no-one has felt like going out much. Today I made Kian go up to his mother's house alone. He needed to get out and see his family and although I love him, I needed a break. It's only the second time we have been apart this week. I think he may actually be progressing. He's calmer at night and even jokes a little more like the real Kian during the day. I'm also progressing but probably not in a good way. I don't ever think I have cared so much for another person as I do for Kian now. I try to tell myself that I am just caring for a brother who is hurting but I know it is more. We are all hurting but what I am feeling for Kian goes beyond compassionate love or love of a close friend.

I block the thought from venturing further into my mind. I'm still too scared to confront my true feelings, not with what's happened and not when Kian needs me to be strong. I walk downstairs to make something to eat. JC is over at Lia's place until late and Connor is visiting Trevor. I love Connor more than ever too now, in a true friend way. He said he would make sure Trevor was ok and got through this and he has been there at every step. Trevor has had as rough a time as Kian and Connor has embraced him like his own brother. As if reading my thoughts, I get an interesting text from Connor: