Change

Chapter 32

I had a lot of trouble sleeping, thinking of what is going to happen tomorrow. So many stuff went through my mind thinking of what the reason could be for them ignoring me. They are pretty much the only people I had, excluding my brother and Sam.

If I lost them I would only have my brother and Sam, I wouldn't mind it, its how its always been. Its just that kind of got used to them also being there. When they ignored me for 3 weeks it really hurt.

I'm currently standing in front of the mirror. I've changed a lot since Luke's passing. My skin look duller, I look pale, slightly yellow as if I've been sick for days. The circles around my eyes thus look darker in contrast with my skin. My hair looks thinner, as if I've sat for days just puling at it. I have. I have no expression on my face, I don't look angry, nor sad just... just bland. I smile at myself in the mirror hoping to look less depress instead it looks dull, it makes me look more tired. I am.

There has been no change in my weight, I look the same. My shoulder are slumped forwards, I try and get my posture straight, instead I look uncomfortable.

I'm wearing grey legging that go up to my knees. I matched the pants with Luke's favourite hoodie. Its large for my medium frame. You can clearly see this jumper was worn a lot, not only by him, but by me too.

The hoodie has so much memories, I feel my cheeks get warm, I look up to see if I'm genuinely smiling, but instead I see tears rolling down my cheeks. Not only do I have dark circles around my eyes but now they are puffy.

I look at my phone realising its 10 to one. I put my shoes on and walk to the park, due to my slow pace I only get there 5 past one.

They are'nt here yet. I go and sit on the same seat I sat two nights ago, drowning my sorrows. I play with my fingers on my lap, drifting off into space.

I hear feet crushing and breaking the leaves and sticks around us. I look up to see Shawn, Jess and Josh looking down at me. I gesture towards the swings around me for them to sit.

Its quiet. Im surprised they showed up.

I turn to my right where Josh is sitting, he wearing jeans with a long sleeved striped navy blue and white shirt. He is looking down at his white converse, seeming t be unable to look me in the face.

I look in front of me and see Jess looking as fabulous as ever wearing black leggings, long white shirt with a denim jacket. She s also wearing a grey scarf. In her hands she has two coffee cups and hands one to me, I wave my hands as if saying "no thanks". I don't have much of a appetite right now. She just nods and looks at me sympathetically.

I turn to Shawn as he reaches to hold my hands. I aggressively shove my hand away from him not wanting his support. He looks down at his hands. He look tired, he's wearing black jeans and a black t-shirt.

Shawn and I speak at the same time, he says "I was worried about you," whilst I say "Why?".

"Why? Why was I worried, because what happened to you these last few weeks? You looked so sad, and when I found out what happened the other night, when I saw you unconscious, I was worried." I just scoff. "I don't care about you worrying that's not what I asked, I asked why. Why did you guys just ignore me, for 3 weeks?" I look around, none of them are saying anything, I stand up to leave seeing as this is useless. "Wait," Jess says.