A random book what I do when I update.. really?

Yeet

So it's April, my birthday in a few days, I'm not expecting anything but whatever, I have something to talk about it's about this one friend who has really gotten on my nerves, she has cussed at me but she's so immature and such a young person that I don't want to say anything about it 

She legit is stupid and I can't say that without being guilty but she is. I feel like a bad person but I have to say the truth, she uses swear words like it's nothinf 

One day I was just... thinking and I was seeking comfort, I had legit just walked in class and I was thinking about my father. My father has rare cancer and he isn't well at all, he's terminal and might die before I graduate 

I wanted to sit next to my friend and get over it, but before I could even sit down she had said to me, "No don't sit here faggot", it all came tumbling down on me 

I felt hurt and I felt like she didn't care but I didn't say anything and sat behind the desk that I originally sit in, but it gets worse and the teacher shouted me, "No, Your not allowed to sit there move back NOW" I was frightened and I felt pathetic 

I felt gross and I didn't feel right, my head was just filled with thoughts that I cannot even begin to explain, I sat next to my friend and tears began to fell

I had started to sob and have a breakdown in class, it was so embarrassing and I felt to pathetic, the teacher felt shocked, she had taken me out of class and had the audacity to ask me 'was it me?' She was trying to clarify her actions by asking me if it was her fault. No one noticed the mood I was in. No one pairs attention and cared.

I had sobbed even harder and when I was sent to student services, I met someone who actually wanted to talk, she only had to mention home and I started to act up again, I didn't allow her to see my eyes, i didn't allow her to see me crying 

I didn't allow anyone until I was calm, after I had calmed down she asked for a small chat and asked if I was seeing anyone for my problems outside of school and I had said no, and can you believe what I found out a few days later 

They had told my parents, they told them, I don't know why I felt like they wouldn't tell my parents but I wanted to deal with it by myself, my mom first subitley asked me that have I cried at school

I had to play it off but she's knows already, I felt very uncomfortable and it's only made me not want to open up even more about my feelings than ever because they'll tell my parents and I don't want them to 

Anyway I'm silly for crying just by writing this. Bye