A random book what I do when I update.. really?

Sorry

Honestly if your here to judge me you can leave right fuckinf now because I don't need to be paranoid right now, honestly I couldn't give two shits if someone read or didn't read this shit here and I wouldn't care if you didn't like me 

This is a rant book and a place for me to spill my feelings and thoughts and I don't need hate 

Moving on, in the topic of hate, I loathe my sister, it sucks because I see her everyday and we share a room together and I'm going to be 100% honest with myself and this book from here on because I need help and I need relief and I fuckinf hate my sister and no matter fuckinf what and I hate admitting this, I somewhat like her

I want it to stop, I want to stop, I need it to stop, right fuckinf now because if I do this again and again I'm going to fuckinf end it. I hate this, I hate feeling like this, I want to be numb and I want to be gone, if I'm depressing I don't give a flying fuck 

And as I speak a friend is messaging me and I want to tell Hernandez I just had a fuckinf mental break down but that's not polite isn't it.... I want to make his clear, if I know you and you read my shit I'm not going to like it, stop reading now and leave 

Please, you obviously don't care enough about me to two to me or you just not brave enough, it's not your fault obviously or maybe we just aren't friends anymore, I'm not going to keep chasing you and wanting to catch up 

I'm going to end it, I don't want it either 

Anyway back to the subject, my sister is just a teenager and I understand that and she's a fuckinf ass hole, I cry every single time I remember what she does, she's grown up and I wish she would just move or already, it's  much quieter without her here and much more cleaner, all she does is eat and use our things, she's a fuckinf bully and yet to friends she's a nice and cheerful person, I honestly wouldn't even bother is she were to kill herself right now 

I don't care if that makes me a bad person befauw I'm not a good person, I'm a shitty person and I overthink too many things and I overthink overthinking and that's just not the end of it, memories replay in my mind and she's so much stronger than me, I fuckinf hate her 

She kicked me out of the room just to have a chat to her friends she kicked me out of my room, of our room and nd now I'm just supposed to sleep inside on the fuckinf cough like a fuckinf dog and I deserve this fuckinf shit because I don't think it helps with my metal health or with ahhhtjbf 

Maybe it'll make me tougher or maybe it'll break me to the point I just go, I'm alresdy feeling like a ticking time bomb resdy to explode and all these things come into my mind and are racing around trying to get first place, I can't live with her like this 

Maybe is she was a decent person, it would be fine but shes not, she's depressed I don't fuckinf care, she's got medical problems I don't fuckinf care, it's her problem not my problem, and she doesn't need to put her shit on me and the fact that tk lure me it she threw my plug out the door and it landed in the fuckinf garden, I don't even know why I even try with her anymore, she's a fuckinf spoiled brat 

Why didn't they abort when they had her, why didn't they abort me? Someone please just kill me, I don't want to do it myself, I don't like pain, I'm a runner not a fighter 

It's pathetic that I'm crying, it's actual pathetic, I hate crying, it's be worst thing about me, I hate it, and I'm crying over her as well, anyway this will pass and we will be alldandy and happy and that crap

If this has a lot of mistakes, I don't care, I don't