Spotlight

Chapter 11

Blue's POV

"Barry?" I call softly as I walk into my son's hospital room. He doesn't answer, but I see him tense up. I move across the room and sit on the edge of his bed.

"I don't wanna talk, mum," Barry informs me a few minutes later, his voice shaking.

"Okay," I answer, still sitting there. He continues to lay facing the wall, his back turned towards me. The silence is almost deafening.

"Do you guys hate me more now?" Barry suddenly blurts out, turning to face me. Even though he's trying to hide it, I can see the fear and worry on his face. My heart begins to ache more than before.

"We never, ever hated you Barry. Ever. Not once," I promise my son, yearning to hug him tightly. He bites his lip and looks away again. We fall back into silence.

"Barry," I call softly, unable to help myself. He turns his head slightly to look at my face. "You were wrong earlier. I never even considered an abortion. Not because of the band either. I could never even think about giving you up because you're my baby, and you always will be." His body jerks up as he scrambles over to hug me tightly, his arms wrapping around my torso. Barry rests his head on my chest, crying softly. I hold my baby close, rubbing his back as he sobs.

"I'm sorry momma," Barry sobs, holding my body tightly, "I'm so sorry. I don't know what's wrong with me. I'm just so tired of everything."

"There's nothing wrong with you, baby," I comfort, "I understand. I really do. I swear to you, everything will get better though."

"How can you possibly know that?" He demands, looking up at me with wide eyes. I sigh and kiss his head as I hold him a little closer.

Trigger Warning

"I tried to kill myself when I was sixteen years old," I tell him honestly, still holding onto his body tightly, "I was in Australia with 5SOS and your dad and I had recently broken up. The band had me on "protective care" or something like that because they realized I was suicidal. I convinced them I wasn't, then snuck out of the hotel room in the middle of the night. I went to some cliffs and just sat there, waiting for the right moment. The only reason I'm here today is because your dad grabbed the back of my shirt at the last second and pulled me backwards. If they were even ten seconds later, you, Violet, and I wouldn't be here. But it really does get better."

"How did it get better for you?" He inquires, leaning against my body. Barry's quiet, like he's thinking over everything I've said.

"Well, I went to rehab for a couple months almost right away. Then, on the day I got out of rehab, you were conceiv-"

"Ew! Mum!" Barry shrieks, wrinkling his nose at me, "That's disgusting. I don't wanna hear about you and dad getting it on." I laugh and kiss his cheek.

"You asked me how my life got better," I state, "and you made my life so much better. You, Violet, Calum, Luke, Ashton, Michael, and everyone else made my life better." Barry yawns, but keeps smiling. I kiss his temple, then gently lean back against the pillows, pulling him with me.

"I really am sorry mum," he says again, his voice softer, "I didn't want to hurt you and dad, I just wanted everything to be over." 

"It's alright," I reassure him. Barry nods and drifts off to sleep, his head resting on my shoulder.