CRUSH U | EXO ONESHOTS

one and only | sulay [m]

𝚝𝚊𝚐𝚜: 𝚜𝚖𝚞𝚝, 𝚌𝚛𝚢𝚒𝚗𝚐, 𝚊𝚗𝚐𝚜𝚝, 𝚝𝚘𝚙!𝚡𝚒𝚗𝚐, 𝚋𝚘𝚝𝚝𝚘𝚖!𝚖𝚢𝚎𝚘𝚗, 𝚜𝚙𝚊𝚗𝚔𝚒𝚗𝚐, 𝚎𝚖𝚘𝚝𝚒𝚘𝚗𝚊𝚕 𝚜𝚎𝚡, 𝚍𝚊𝚍𝚍𝚢 𝚔𝚒𝚗𝚔, 𝚑𝚞𝚛𝚝/𝚌𝚘𝚖𝚏𝚘𝚛𝚝, 𝚙𝚛𝚊𝚒𝚜𝚎 𝚔𝚒𝚗𝚔, 𝚊𝚏𝚝𝚎𝚛𝚌𝚊𝚛𝚎,
-

They're together, again. Call Junmyeon childish and clingy, but he didn't like it when Yixing gave his attention to someone other than him. It was inevitable, really, that's just how socializing works; Yixing couldn't be with him every second of every day because he had his own responsibilities. Junmyeon understood that, to a certain degree at least, but was it necessary to laugh so loud with someone that wasn't Junmyeon? Of course anyone else wouldn't see anything wrong with that, but as mentioned before, Junmyeon is childish and clingy when it comes to his boyfriend. And said boyfriend has been too friendly with Baekhyun.

He shouldn't be this effected by it, he really shouldn't. No matter with whom Yixing is friendly, he always comes back to Junmyeon and hugs him, kisses him, tells him how loved he is, makes sure Junmyeon knows he's appreciated. Yixing is nothing short of a perfect boyfriend and Junmyeon loves him so dearly, but Junmyeon feeds of attention and he needs Yixing by his side constantly. The man always says he understands but sometimes he leaves Junmyeon alone anyway, and Junmyeon tries to be understanding as well, but his insecurities doesn't let him and so, more often than not, he ends up being sad and lonely.

Junmyeon thinks it's unfair; he's the leader and he has just as many responsibilities as Yixing yet he's always the one who ends up being the overwhelmed and insecure one. Yixing never doubts Junmyeon's love (not that he would have a reason to), but Junmyeon always doubts if he's good enough for his boyfriend. For the most part Yixing is used to it. He shouldn't be used to it, but they've been together for too long and Junmyeon's insecurity attacks aren't something one can just not notice; at least not after years of being together almost at all times.

But now Yixing is talking to Baekhyun and Junmyeon feels it. He feels the darkness taking over his brain; those silent voices in his head telling him that Yixing will realize, Yixing will realize that there are people much better, much less clingy than Junmyeon, that Yixing will realize that maybe, just maybe Baekhyun could be that better person. Of course Yixing never has thoughts like that, but that never stops those voices in Junmyeon's head. And with the man trying to ignore them, they only get louder and louder every passing day and he already knows that this time won't be any different.

"Hyung, you okay?" Sehun asks when he sees their leader a bit spaced out during breakfast. It's been over a week since those voices came back, and Junmyeon really wants to feel happy that Sehun is worried, but the reality is that he doesn't care because of the state he's in. He isn't sad, he isn't worried, he doesn't feel anything at all; there's just an empty void that desperately needs to be filled, but Junmyeon doesn't do anything to fight with it; he never does anything after all, it's always Yixing that has to come to him and take care of it, but for that to happen, he'd have to actually tell his boyfriend that it's back.

"Yeah, just tired," Junmyeon finally answers. Yixing isn't there to see how he's lying and Junmyeon wants to believe that that's a good thing, but he knows all too well that it will only get worse like this. Junmyeon doesn't need constant attention; yes admittedly he wants it, but he doesn't need it all the time. But sometimes it just happens that Yixing's attention is all he needs, it becomes the only thing that can make him feel again.

When Yixing comes back home that day, it takes him one look at his boyfriend to see what happened. Junmyeon feels ashamed; ashamed that he didn't say anything, that he didn't ask for help, that he got jealous and mad for no reason, that he stopped talking to his boyfriend because of his own issues. Junmyeon knew what will happen now. Now Junmyeon needed to be punished, needed to feel needed.