CRUSH U | EXO ONESHOTS

talia | baeksoo

tags: just pure angst, i'm sorry
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"Kyungsoo, where the fuck are you?" Baekhyun basically yelled into the phone. It's been days since he's last heard from or seen his boyfriend, if he still could call him that.

Now, you would think that not hearing from his significant other for days would be a bigger deal for Baekhyun, but the thing is that this wasn't the first - or second, or third - time Kyungsoo just left after one of their fights and literally disappeared for days without leaving any clues on when - if - he'll come back. Their relationship was rocky, and that's putting it nicely. Fighting has somehow become their regular bonding activity and leaving has somehow become Kyungsoo's way of coping. It was unhealthy, toxic, anyone else would barely call what they had a relationship, but Baekhyun didn't care, he loved Kyungsoo and he was sure that his boyfriend will always come back. He was sure until today.

Baekhyun always counted how long it took for Kyungsoo to come home and his disappearance never lasted longer than four days, but it's been a week since their fight and Baekhyun was slowly getting worried. What if this time they pushed it too far and there's no coming back anymore? It would be understandable, really, their last argument was ugly. Baekhyun said a lot and Kyungsoo didn't hold back either, the reality of everything that was wrong with them came crushing them like a thunderstorm, and although they both loved falling asleep to the sound of those outside, they couldn't handle one inside of their own apartment.

"Baekhyun, are you even listening to yourself?" Kyungsoo was yelling and maybe if Baekhyun wasn't so angry, he would see it for what it was - a petty fight. But he was too into it, he wasn't holding back anymore and it was obvious that Kyungsoo is holding onto his last strings of patience as well.

Baekhyun wasn't jealous per se, but he had his level of possessiveness and it was a lot to take in during his episodes. "Oh I am listening to myself, Kyungsoo," Baekhyun snapped back without thinking about what he's saying. "And the way you look at Chanyeol disgusts me. You know how much I hate cheating and you just go out there and shamelessly lure him into fucking your ass," Kyungsoo tried to understand that Baekhyun is insecure and worried that he would actually cheat on him, but it got to the point where he was paranoid and believed that literally everyone Kyungsoo ever said hello to was fucking his boyfriend.

"I would never cheat on you, Baekhyun, and if you don't trust me enough to accept that, I don't think there's a place for me here," Kyungsoo said and for the first time in years, he was being honest. If Baekhyun lets him go now, he won't be coming back again.

"Yeah, I'm sure Chanyeol has a plenty of room in his apartment - but I mean it won't be really necessary because you'd sleep in his bed anyway," and that was it, the last string. The only thing Kyungsoo did before leaving their apartment was slapping Baekhyun with tears in his eyes. He left everything there and didn't look back. And the moment he closed the door after himself, Baekhyun realized he was wrong.

Everything went downhill from there and as days went by, Baekhyun slowly began to see the reality of what happened; Kyungsoo was gone for good because being with Baekhyun was so unbearable he just couldn't deal with it anymore. Baekhyun had no right to but he was heartbroken. It's been a month now, maybe two, and the pain didn't go away, didn't get any weaker, there was no sign of getting better; Baekhyun fucked up and now it was his turn to suffer after everything he's done to Kyungsoo.

He knew he'd never get cheated on, Kyungsoo wasn't like that, he would never ruin their relationship like that, he would never ruin their relationship at all, that was all Baekhyun's doing. Kyungsoo had been patient, had assured Baekhyun every time the latter needed, had been the best part of Baekhyun's life, had been the sole reason Baekhyun woke up everyday, and Baekhyun hates himself for pushing the only good thing in his life away.

His things were still there, Kyungsoo really did leave without looking back. He said goodbye to everything he owed in their apartment just because he didn't want to see Baekhyun again. That's probably what hurt the most. All the things Kyungsoo loved so much; his big collection of foreign movies and cooking books from places Baekhyun couldn't even pronounce, his damn cactus that he called their son when things were still good - he left everything there just because he couldn't handle seeing Baekhyun's face.

Baekhyun has always been impulsive, he's never really thought about future, about planning, about purpose, he had Kyungsoo for that. And now that the man wasn't there, Baekhyun's purpose was gone as well. It didn't really come off as a surprise when he was fired because he hasn't showed up at work ever since Kyungsoo left. Baekhyun was drowning in now because his future was gone, and the only thing that existed in now was pain. No work, no plans, no purpose, just pain.

Baekhyun didn't know how long has it been but realistically speaking, it's been two months since Kyungsoo's departure when Chanyeol knocked on his door. The moment Baekhyun opened the door, he was ready to close it again, but he was wasted and his reflexes weren't fast enough and Chanyeol got inside before he could do anything else. "What the fuck do you want?" Baekhyun spat, quite literally since he was way too drunk and didn't really have control over himself or his mouth anymore.

"I'm here to tell you how much of a dick you are," Chanyeol was mad even though he had no reason to, at least Baekhyun didn't see one, he was the heartbroken one here. "Not only you pushed the only thing that made sense in your miserable life away, you ruined our friendship in the process," Baekhyun was confused; they've never been friends, how did he ruin it? He was too drunk to defend himself and truth to be told, he couldn't really defend himself anyway because Chanyeol was right, no matter how much it hurt to admit that.

"Go away, Chanyeol, we have nothing to talk about," Baekhyun said, but didn't really try to push Chanyeol away physically because he knew he's at his weakest, and he wouldn't be able to push a toddler away right now, let alone a grown man who is much taller and stronger than him even in his sober state. "Just go away," Baekhyun tried again, this time it was more of a broken whisper than an actual request.

"He fucking stopped talking to me because of you," Chanyeol said and although it was probably supposed to help Baekhyun understand the situation, it didn't do such thing. "He sees me as the reason of your break up because of how fucking stupid you are. You really thought Kyungsoo would try anything on me?" No, I didn't, Baekhyun wanted to say, I was just dumb. "He fucking loved you even though you constantly hurt him, he saw you as the man who would kill and die for him, he thought you two would work it all out eventually, he actually believed he'd spend the rest of his life with you and what did you do, Baekhyun? You fucking broke him!"

Baekhyun wanted to say something but nothing came out. He knew he fucked up, he knew he's the one to blame, but hearing someone else say it so bluntly was like getting stabbed after already having been shot before. It added another wound to Baekhyun's already bleeding heart. He broke down then, and he couldn't care less about Chanyeol who was still there, seemingly still not done with Baekhyun.

He didn't cry often, it actually happened rarely but he couldn't hold it in anymore. Chanyeol just sneered, fucking sneered, above him. "You're a lost case, Baekhyun. I thought I would be able to talk some sense into your brain, but there's no point," was the last thing he said before finally leaving the apartment. Baekhyun wanted to be mad, wanted to hate Chanyeol, but he couldn't - none of it was Chanyeol's fault, Baekhyun did this to himself, to Kyungsoo.

Four more drinks and he was back to his original state, since Chanyeol's visit made him sober up a little bit. He was so wasted he could see Kyungsoo there. Standing in front of him, saying he's a mess but he's saying it a tone so fond that makes Baekhyun grin like an idiot because even though he's a mess, he's Kyungsoo's mess. When he eventually crawled to his bed, he could see Kyungsoo on the bed, lying next to him, stroking his cheek, kissing him; he could see all of that and when Baekhyun woke up next morning, he wanted to cry again because Kyungsoo wasn't there, wouldn't be there anymore.