CRUSH U | EXO ONESHOTS

I.L.Y. | baeksoo

tags: continuation to 'talia' (can stand on its own but it's better to read 'talia' first - or again - for better context), baekhyun-centered
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It's been months since Kyungsoo left Baekhyun, and it would be funny to see how similar their ways of dealing with it were if it wasn't so heartbreaking to watch. There was no one to watch it on Baekhyun's side, but Chanyeol saw the heartbreak Kyungsoo was going through every single day, and even though he hated Baekhyun, he hated seeing his best friend like this even more. Kyungsoo has left because he wanted a better life for himself, because their relationship was toxic, because there was constant fighting; but it was like Kyungsoo's aching heart didn't remember any of that. It remembered how they met, how they started dating, their kisses, laughs, their love.

Baekhyun was doing the same; just thinking back on where he went wrong, imagining how different their ending could have been if only he wasn't so stupid, so reckless. He wanted to believe that it's better this way, and that Kyungsoo must be happier now, but thinking that just didn't feel right. If Kyungsoo loved Baekhyun the same way Baekhyun loved him, there was no way in hell he was doing okay now. And Baekhyun hated that; hated knowing that even months after separating, Baekhyun is still hurting Kyungsoo constantly.

They both knew that there is only one way to fix this, to go back to the way they were in the beginning, and that involved a shit ton of work on Baekhyun's side. He needed to change, he needed to be more responsible, more attentive, less reckless and less possessive. Baekhyun was willing to try, but the scariest part was that he had to do it without Kyungsoo; he's never had to make any big life decisions or changes alone – Kyungsoo was always there to help him, but in order for them to try again, Baekhyun needed to come back to him as a better man. And after months of pain and despair, Baekhyun was ready to do it.

The hardest part was the beginning; deciding where is he going to start. Does he get his job back? Does he find a therapist? Does he talk to his friends again? Baekhyun being Baekhyun wanted to have everything at once, but of course that wasn't possible. His ex employer didn't want to take him back unless he visibly improves his state (but he said he'll keep his spot free a bit longer though), and after months of pushing everyone away, no one really wanted to go back to being friends without an explanation as to why he did it, and Baekhyun wasn't able to explain anything because he just sucks at talking about his feelings.

And so after the failure that was the first week of trying, Baekhyun finally decided that he's going to start with a therapist and then he'll go from there.

He had two sessions per week and after his fifth session he finally started to feel like it's helping. And that's why he went back to try the whole talking to his friend(s) again thing. Starting slow and easy, he contacted only one person, his ex best friend Jongdae. The man was a bit reluctant to meet up with Baekhyun, but they had a lunch together, Baekhyun tried to explain himself at least a little bit and it worked out in his favor and Jongdae agreed to meeting up again.

Three weeks into the self-reparation, Baekhyun's mental health was doing better and he had someone to talk to that wasn't his therapist. He felt proud because he knew this was going somewhere; Jongdae also mentioned once or twice that it's easier to talk to Baekhyun now because he's more open and doesn't bottle everything up anymore.

And so it felt like the right time to go back to work. Clearing up his mind made Baekhyun realize how much he enjoyed his job and how thankful he is that his boss cares enough to just wait for him to get better. And indeed, Junmyeon seemed over the moon to have him back.

Baekhyun didn't want to pry on how Kyungsoo is doing because he knew he has to focus on this before anything else, but he asked Jongdae one thing – if Kyungsoo has someone. Jongdae just called him stupid which was enough of an answer for Baekhyun; Kyungsoo didn't have anyone because he was still not over Baekhyun. And although it seemed unfair that the younger has to go through so much pain because of Baekhyun, he hoped that in the end – when they're happy together again – it will be worth it.