Chasing Jacob (Jacob Whitesides Fanfiction)

Kisses and Scars

Josh was angry, but the anger couldn't compare to the hurt that was so evident across all of his features. "My sister!? My little fucking sister?!? I thought you were better than that. You're..." He couldn't even find the words to properly insult Ryan.

Jacob took the stone he'd been holding that he picked up along the way and chucked it in Ryan's direction. He missed, but his intention was clear. He stood and started walking back towards the house.

I stood too. Torn between Jacob and my brother. I took off after Jake as Josh started to yell again. I looked back to see Chad holding Josh back.

"Jake! Wait up! Can we just talk about this?"

He stopped and faced me. "What the hell, Cassie? You've changed so much. Ryan?"

"You have to let me explain. It's... I just... I don't want to hurt myself anymore."

"I can't believe he would touch you like that," Jake said as if I hadn't even spoken,

I reached out and took Jacob's hand. "Look at me Jacob," I begged. "We kissed. That's it. I don't want to hurt anymore and it gave me the same sense of control that hurting myself did. It's his addiction, Jacob, and you'll never understand what that means until you see it. It's the way his emotions pour out. He doesn't see a connection to me like that. He sees it as a way to have control and let all of those bad emotions run free. Helping him makes me feel like I'm in control and all of my bad emotions melt away."

Jacob shook his head and pulled his hand back. "How does giving up control of your body make anything better? Have you not heard the way he talks about girls? You're a fucking toy to him!"

Tears stung my eyes. "I don't care. He said he won't hurt me and I trust him. He didn't hurt me. He's helping me. Why are you so mad?"

Jacob put a hand on either side of my face and forced me to look right at him. "You don't see this the same way I do. I don't want you to hurt. I promise I don't, but this is so dangerous. He won't try to hurt you, but what happens when all those emotions get the best of him? He's removed from the situation mentally and all the sudden you're just another girl? What happens then?"

I stepped back. "What else am I supposed to do?! I'm desperate Jacob. I need something to make it better. I need this."

Jacob's resolve to argue cracked and he pulled me into the tightest hug he'd ever given. "Why can't you just kiss Kota?"

I pulled away from him. "It's not about the kisses! It's about helping someone else when they're at that low point. It's about being with someone who understands and obviously you don't."

This time I walked away and headed back to Ryan and Josh. They were both crying and neither one of them wanted the other to see. I went straight to Josh and wrapped my arms around him. "I understand why you and Jacob are mad," I told him, "but I'm desperate and I don't know what else to do."

Josh hugged me and rested his chin on my head while he sniffled. "Cassie!" Jacob called out. He jogged closer to us. "I'm trying to understand. I just don't yet."

It was like he opened a faucet. Tears poured from my eyes and I let go of Josh, reaching for Jake.

"What's wrong?" He asked, confused.

I just sobbed. "You're trying," I choked out at the end. "You're trying and I love you for that. Please don't give up. I need you."

I don't think he understood that my tears weren't angry or sad, but happy this time, but he hugged me tight and leaned his head down toward my ear. "I'll never give up on you, Cass. Even if everyone else does, I'll still be here."