Chasing Jacob (Jacob Whitesides Fanfiction)

My Only Secret

The bus ride home was awkward. I sat with Dakota and Jacob was right in front of us. There was so much tension and it was all my fault. I laid my head against the window until we got to Dakota's stop and I got off with him. Once the bus was out of sight Dakota sighed in relief.

"We're going to fix that. Don't worry," he reassured me as I stared down the street towards where I would usually be getting off with Jacob.

I nodded and stayed silent. I'd been thinking so much since history class. It was all my fault, but the more I thought about it, the more I realized there wasn't really anything I could do. I liked Jacob so much and no matter what, I was going to be jealous. Nothing about Emily could change that, but Jacob seemed mad at me or maybe even worried about me. Either way he wasn't happy and that made everything so much worse.

Dakota opened the door to his house and called out to his mom, announcing that I was with him and we were going to his room. He pulled me up the stairs before his mom had a chance to say hello. Once the door to his room was closed I felt safe enough to let go of my emotions.

I didn't trust a lot of people, but Jacob, Dakota, and Julia were always there for me. Jacob had become more distant since my birthday though. Partially because I backed away, but partially because he was so engrossed in his music. Through it all Dakota and Julia were still by my side and always knew what to say. It was an even give and take of course. I was always there for them too.

Dakota dropped his bag on the floor and took mine off my shoulder. I sank to the ground and hugged my knees to my chest. That was when I let out all the emotions I'd been holding in since lunch. Dakota sat down beside me and rubbed circles into my back as I cried myself out. When I finally did, he slipped out of the room to get a box of tissues.

Dakota was amazing. In some ways he was a lot like Jacob. They had the same sense of humor and liked the same sports and sports teams, but Jacob's dark hair and features completely contrasted Dakota's bleach blonde hair and pale skin. Both of them were giants, nearing six feet tall and they made me feel so small.

Dakota came back and sat down where he was. "You okay now?" He asked as he offered me the tissues.

I blew my nose and dried my eyes. "I don't know. He likes her so much and he doesn't even know her. She's so nice and pretty. I'll never be able to compete with her."

Dakota shook his head. "You're just as nice and pretty as she is, Cassie. You could be real competition if you tried to be."

I rolled my eyes. "Did you see the way he was looking at her? He never looks at me like that." I sniffled and he handed me another tissue.

"What's that?" He asked when I grabbed it.

He reached for my wrist and I tried to pull it away as fast as I could, but I wasn't fast enough. He grabbed my hand and turned it so he could see my wrist. He pushed up my bracelets and sighed my name.

Dakota pulled me into a really tight hug. "Why didn't you tell us?" He asked.

I shook my head and tried to play dumb. I couldn't have him know. I couldn't have anyone know. "Tell you what?"

"About your scars."

If there was one thing I never told anyone, that was it. I was a cutter. It wasn't something I was proud of, because why would you be? No matter what though, I couldn't make myself stop, even though I felt guilty for it. I knew that overall I had a good life and there were plenty of people with harder lives who stayed stronger than I was, but I still did it. I was embarrassed by it and that's why I wore my bracelets to hide them. I never took them off, even when I got yelled at for them in gym class.