Chasing Jacob (Jacob Whitesides Fanfiction)

Coming Out

***Sorry this chapter is such a mess, but crazy important author's note at the end with a sneak peek of one of the last chapters. Enjoy!***

The week that followed that was horrible. It wasn't just because I needed a release more desperately than I needed air in my lungs or that Ryan and I called it quits completely or because Jacob never brought up the fact that I liked him again. It didn't even stop with Kota's drama at home after he came out to his sister. The rumors at school got so bad.

The baseball team, while they still, timidly, stood by my side whenever I was faced with the negativity, seemed to doubt the fact that the rumors were false even after Kota, Jacob, and myself said it wasn't true. Suddenly it was like World War 3 between us and Julia, Evan, and Emily and somehow they were managing to win. My presence immediately brought silence to conversations wherever I went in school and no matter how many times I tried to explain the situation to Emily in class, she wouldn't listen. I even got to the point where I was honestly ready to tell her the secret, but even then, she didn't care.

My resolve to fight against the rumors and even the thoughts in my head was wasted by Friday evening. People were talking about me everywhere and I don't think there was a thing in the world that sucked as much as that. On Wednesday after I came home from Ryan's, Josh told me not to worry about the things Julia and Evan had told Emily. "It's just middle school drama. Something else will come along and everything will pass."

He changed his mind when he found out that I broke down crying the next two days as soon as I got in Ryan's car after school. I'd stopped going to Jacob's because I just wanted to be alone and Kota didn't want to go either. Josh tried to meet me with a hug when I walked in crying on Friday, but I pushed past him and ran upstairs.

I heard him and Ryan talk and I stopped at the top of the stairs to listen. "What happened?" Josh asked.

Ryan sighed loudly. "I guess the kids at school are still talking about her. No one wants to look at her anymore. I don't know. It's not getting any better."

Josh shuffled his feet. "I wish I could do something. What if she..." He trailed off.

"Don't worry so much," Ryan assured him. "She's a strong kid. She'll pull it off."

I walked the rest of the way to my room, but was seriously tempted to stop in the bathroom and find my blade again. I didn't really care that I was over a month clean. I just needed something and there was no way to get it. I felt awkward talking to Jacob since he found out that I like him. I felt like I just couldn't open up to him anymore. When it came to Kota I felt bad dumping my problems on him because he had so many of his own.

After he came out to Jake and I his older sister could totally tell something was wrong with him. She graduated from college back when we were in 7th grade and got an apartment across town, but her and Kota were still close. They went out to dinner every Thursday and according to Kota, she wouldn't let the fact that he was acting weird go, so he finally just told her.

"She was so mad," Kota told me on the phone that night. "I was already crying and I had to beg her not to tell Mom or call Dad. Why can't people just accept me?"

The weekend passed with me barely leaving my room and only eating one meal a day. I could tell Josh was trying to give me distance, but he kept checking up on me every few hours. "Mom and Dad are starting to worry about you, Cass. I know things are hard, but you have to pull it together. If they find out things will never be the same. They'll make you get professional help," Josh finally said Sunday afternoon.

I shook my head and rolled over onto my stomach. "I don't want or need professional help. I'm fine."

"Cass, you haven't eaten anything all day. You barely ate all weekend. You won't do anything. You're not fine and you know it."