Chasing Jacob (Jacob Whitesides Fanfiction)

Brave

Chad hauled me up to my feet and we went back inside to where all of the adults were crowded around the doctor. Jacob was hanging back a bit waiting for us. He reached out his hand as I got close enough and squeezed my fingers. "... but he'll be fine this time. Once he's awake you guys can all visit him for a short time and then we'll pair him up with a psychologist."

My stomach tightened even farther. I should have been relieved that he was going to be okay and I was, but the idea of the psychologist and him finally getting professional help made me sick. I was such a big part of his depression story now and it was because I was depressed too. What if they found out and they learned about my self harm and the reason Evan and I really broke up. What if we got in trouble for the way Ryan had been coping with his depression by exploring my body.

Everyone around me was relieved and happy. Ryan was going to be okay now, but I wasn't as relieved as I should've been. I might have been even more nervous than before because the last thing I wanted to do was get help. Jacob noticed the change in my posture and squeezed my hand, pulling me back towards our seat. "What the matter?" he whispered.

"What if when he talks to the psychologist, they find out about me?"

Jacob's face twisted and he pulled me into a tight hug. "Don't worry about that. I don't think Ryan would ever rat you out and if he did, it would only be because he loves you."

I turned to look back at my parents and the wave of relief that had washed over their faces. I didn't want to give them a reason to crave that relief again. It was agonizing enough for them when it wasn't their child feeling that way, but if they knew that I was, I wasn't sure what they would do.

I remembered my mom on the day I got my stitches and how worried she was. If she ever saw my wrists I think she would probably pass out. That's not to mention what my dad would think if he found out that I'd been making out with Ryan. "I don't want anyone else to know."

Jacob squeezed me tight. "I know, Cassie, but one day they're gonna find out."

I shook my head and fell over to lean my face into his shoulder. He just simply wrapped an arm around me and didn't say anything over it. I'd decided already that I wasn't going to be mad at Ryan if things got bad. At the end of the day I knew he would only be trying to help, but I didn't want anything to do with psychologists and professional help.

I felt someone sit down beside me and put their hand on my back. I turned my head to see my mom sitting there with my dad on her other side. "It's okay, honey," she told me. "He's going to be okay now. You don't have to worry anymore."

I glanced up and saw Josh and Chad watching me. "I know," I replied. "It just scared me that..." I struggled to find the right words. What was it that scared me? "It's just scary that I was there when it happened. Like I found him, and there was nothing I could do."

That's when Ryan's parents finally seemed to wake up. "Josh, Cassie, what happened?: they asked.

I stared up at Josh and he retold the story, blaming himself for me being the one to find Ryan because he "sent me to grab his video game on the way home." All of the other details were precisely the way it happened.

"What was he like when you were there?" his mom asked.

I opened my mouth to say it, but the words wouldn't come out. There was no way I could describe the way he looked and the way he talked when I got there, so I just shook my head. "It was bad. I can't just..."

I trailed off and Jacob hugged me harder. "It's okay," he whispered in my ear. "You don't have to tell them yet."

Ryan's mom crouched down in front of me and took my hands in hers. Jacob let me go so I could sit up straighter. "Cassie," she said with a shake of her head. "I'm sorry about today, but I wanna thank you. You did so great in that emergency. I wouldn't have known what to do and if it weren't for you, I don't know where Ryan would be. Thank you, Cassie. You saved him."