Chasing Jacob (Jacob Whitesides Fanfiction)

Ten

When we got home that night I texted Ryan just to check in on him. We do that every night. He said 3, which was pretty average although it was hard to say if it was an honest 3 or not. I gave a 1 for the first time. Obviously he was interested in whatever brought my number down to a one, so he invited me over to hang out. His parents were out for the evening and it was going to be the first time we met up without at least one of us having a crazy high number.

I snuck through his window and sat down on his bed. He smiled at me. "What brought out the big 1?"

I grinned and blushed, looking away from him. "You know how Jacob took me on that big, extravagant date today? I'm sure you were in on it." He nodded. "Well it was incredible, you know? The song he sang me was so cute and I don't know it was just so incredible." He kept studying my face, knowing there was more to my happiness than a cute song. I sighed. "Jacob and I kissed again."

Ryan hugged me. "Again? When was the first time?"

I smiled. "On Wednesday before we ended up together."

"That's amazing," Ryan assured me. "Was it everything you thought it would be?"

I nodded. "Yeah. It was..." I couldn't find words. "I'm just really happy. There was only like a ten second downside to the whole day."

Ryan sat back. "Well that's awesome. Right?"

I shrugged. "Yeah, but he was kind of mad about us though. I don't want to cheat on Jacob, but leaving you seems cruel. You've done so much for me and I don't want to just not be available to help you when you really need it because of Jacob."

Ryan shrugged. "You guys are going out, so it'll be back to how it was before. Just me and a bunch of random girls." I was quiet as I took that in. "Seriously, Cass. You deserve Jake. He'll make you happy and you won't even need me. I'll make things work on my own. Promise. Don't feel bad about it."

"But what if?" I asked. "I'm worried about you Ryan. Through all of my ups and downs you've had yours too. I don't want you going down without me."

He sighed. "Honestly, Cassie, I'm okay. I might want to cut sometimes and give up, but I won't. It would take something pretty huge to push me over the edge like that again. Promise."

He ran his hand through my hair as a comforting gesture and for some reason I reached up and held it. All of this kind of felt like a breakup even though we were never together. It was as if I was cheating on him even though the only one I could ever cheat on was Jacob. "You know, I love Jacob so much and he makes me feel so special and happy, but he'll never make me feel safe the way you do."

Ryan squeezed my hand and then backed away from me. "I'm happy you feel safe here. You make me comfortable too. Everything is at ease when we're together, but you and Jacob deserve better than this. Let's only meet up alone from now on if it's serious, okay? 9 or 10 only, okay?"

I nodded. "That's fair." Only it wasn't fair. It was fair to Jacob and it was fair to me, but it wasn't fair to Ryan. There were very few times Ryan ever really needed me and I thought back to the last time. He and Josh had gotten in an argument after school. They said things in the heat of the moment that neither of them really meant, but it was upsetting. There was door slamming and yelling and then Ryan stormed out.

I was still over at Jacob's because it was practically right after school, but Ryan texted me saying he urgently needed me to come over. He said his number was between an 8 and a 9 and I couldn't figure out what would make his number that high when he was just fine a few minutes before that.

I excused myself from Jacob's and walked the back way to his house noticing that Josh's car wasn't in the driveway anymore. I climbed through his window to find him crying. "Ryan?" I asked. "What's the matter? Why aren't you with Josh?"