sound of your heart

22

Beyoncé

4 days later

"Wake up baby girl." I faintly heard against my ear. I subconsciously stretched my body and yawned before reaching out for Shawn, who I knew was laying next to me. He hasn't left my side since we left the hospital, and I appreciated that. He made me feel safe.

Despite all the trauma and everything that has happened to me over the past few days, whenever Shawn promised he'd keep me safe whether we were together or not, I believed him.

"I'm right here." I heard Shawn chuckle, and I instantly smiled. His laugh made my heart happy, as cheesy as that sounded. I loved him so much.

I slowly opened my eyes and was immediately met with Shawn's warm ones. I puckered my lips and grinned when he instantly got the hint. He leaned down and pecked my lips a few times before kissing the tip of my nose and my forehead. I grabbed his hand and intertwined our fingers before holding them against my chest.

"Have I been sleeping for a long time?" I asked softly. The medication I was prescribed (to fight off any potential diseases) had me sleeping throughout the day like it was nothing. I hated how drowsy it made me, but luckily I only had to take it for a few more days before I could switch over to something else.

"Yes, lazy." Shawn teased. I rolled my eyes but couldn't resist smiling at his laugh. "Nah, I'm just playing. You've only been out for about an hour."

"Oh, okay." I nodded slowly. I started to sit up but flinched a little since I was still kinda sore.

"Aye, take it easy." Shawn said quickly and helped me sit up the remainder of the way. "You still hurting ma?" He asked sadly, looking into my eyes intently. I sighed.

"Just a little." I answered quietly. I haven't spoken about the rape since I've left the hospital; because I haven't been required to speak with a psychologist since then. Shawn keeps subtly pushing me towards going to one on my own time, but I haven't had the urge to do that in the slightest.

I know it's important for my mental health to seek professional help– I just really don't want to talk about it right now, or anytime soon.

Shawn sighed. "Bey, baby, I really think you need to go see a doc–"

"I'm okay." I said quickly. "Are you hungry? I'm hungry. I really want some Chinese, what about you?" I announced, changing the subject.

I know Shawn was only trying to help, but I was terrified of going back to the hospital and refused to give him a reason to take me. I knew they were going to need to check out my 'lower regions' for the source of my constant pain; and the thought of someone, anyone, being down there right now made me shake with fear. I was only able to handle it during the rape kit because I was still in shock, what happened hadn't completely registered yet; but now I know. I know and I'm so scared of anybody touching me.

Shawn eyed me wearily for a minute before dropping it, as he always did. "Aight. Do you wanna go get something to eat, or you want it delivered?"

"Delivery." I answered quickly.

I haven't left Shawn's apartment since I was released from the hospital either. I was too afraid to go back to my own, and Shawn assured me that I could stay as long as I wanted. I honestly had no idea when I planned on leaving, but I knew it wouldn't be anytime soon. Kelly's been back to my apartment to clean it up since the incident, but my anxiety wouldn't allow me to step foot near my building. I tried going back two days ago, because I needed more clothes to keep at Shawn's and I didn't want to waste money buying new ones– and I nearly had a panic attack before we could even park the car. As soon as I saw it, I immediately bursted into tears and struggled breathing for almost fifteen minutes.