I hate living in this house because all you hear is fighting. I'm pretty sure that our neighbors hate us.
I went down stairs and they both stopped fighting.
Mom: Hey honey sleep well
Me: Don't try to hide that you were fighting
Dad: We were just going to therapy want to come
Me: no
Mom: It will help us all
Me: Have you heard anything I said for the past couple days
Dad: yes
Me: well do you even care anymore
Mom: honey we care about you
She tried comforting me.
Me: No don't start acting like you care.
I grabbed my bag and keys off the table and stormed towards the door. I was crying.
Dad: Don't you dare walk out of that door
Then I slammed the door behind me and got in my car. I drove to the park. When I got to the park I turned the car off and sat in there and cryied.
Now I'm sitting on the swing crying and writing you. So I guess you can say my families a mess or you could say it would have been easier if I just went to thearpy with them but its not all that simple. You see I'm not just some messed up teenage girl I have some problems. You see my mom and dad fight because my dad cheated on my mom more than once. My mom refuses to divorse his sorry ass. While on the other hand I just can't stand him. I don't like to get to attached to people because you never know when they are about to walk out of your life. Like my ex boyfriend Andrew. You See Andrew said he wouldn't cheat on me and that he was alays there for me. Well turns out the whole time we dated he was cheating on me. He wasn't the one I decided that people just walk out it was my Dad and my brother. My dad walked out when I was nine then he decided to come back on my 15th birthday. He thought that everything was perfect when he came back but no I hated his guts because he left he broke my moms heart in a million different pieces. I hated him for that and I hated how I never did anything about it. And my brother he left when my dad walked out. I remember the words he said before he left " I need to figure things out I need to start my life I need to go I love you Hannah" He never came back and I remember that I cried so hard when he left. I do have a sister but unlike my dad and brother she is in college and she visits when she can. Well thats all why I can't let people in so quickly.
I was still crying. I grabbed my stuff and headed to Spencers and Alexs house. When I got to her house I got out of the car and knocked on the door tears coming down my face. Spencer answered.
Spencer: Whats wrong?
Me: C-Can I come in
Spencer: Of course
We headed up to her room. When I got to her room Alex was laying on the floor throughing a ball in the air and I saw Matt sitting in a beanbag waiting for Spencer to come back.
Me: ( sniffles) I-I'll just come back later
Spencer: No no whats wrong
I wiped my tears away but they kept coming down.
Me: I'll just go
Spencer: No come on sit down and tell me whats going on.
Matt: Whats going on
Alex sat up in concern.
Me: I-It's about my dad.
Spencer: What did he do?
Me: Do you remember how he cheated and walked out on us.
Spencer: Yeah
Me: He's cheating again and I seeing my mom so broken and I hate how I've treated her and how I don't do anything to fix it... It's all my fault this is all happening.
Alex: This none of your fault its all that assholes fault.... You can still help your mom.
Spencer: Alex is right.. And I know its hard right now but you have to stay strong we will get through this together
I shook my head in agreement.
Matt: I know you probably don't want my input but I know what you are going through and its hard I know but you will get through it... You feel like no one cares but you are so wrong... So many people care. I care Hannah.. Spencer cares, Alex cares... We care Hannah. So just hear me out.. hear us out if you need anything we are here for you
Me: Thanks guys I needed this.
Then they hugged me in comfort. I hang out with them for about 3 hours they cheered me up by making jokes and laughing with eachother.
Then i went home. I got in my car and headed home. When I got home my dad was sitting on the couch.
Dad: Where were you
Me: Well if you really want ot know I wnet to a friends and cried my eyes out
Dad: pussy
Me: Where mom
Dad: Shes in her room crying like a dumb pussy
Me: You are an ass you know that
Dad: Don't talk to me like that
Me: I'm going to talk to you however the fuck I want to... Is the only reason you came back was to cheat because if so you can fucking leave
Dad: I will leave if I want to bitch
Then he slspped me across the face. I threw my bag in my room and quickly changed and went to go see my mom. I found her crying on her bed.
Me: Mommy I'm so sorry
Mom: Honey its okay I'm sorry I've put you through this mess
Me: Its all my fault I'm sorry
Mom: None of this is your fault
We talked for awhile then my mom fell asleep. I stayed up all night because I was terrified that my dad would hurt her like he hurt me. So thats why I'm sitting in her room with the lamp on and writing at 3:30 in the morning. I hated living in the same house as my cheating dad. I hated seeing my mom broken. I hated that I ws never there for her like she was to me. I hated that I caused this pain. I caused pain to everyone. I'm so afraid to leave my mom alone with him but I can't protect her from everything.
