You may ask why I drink. Well I drink to forget the world. I found a something new...cigarettes. Ive been using them for about a couple days now. I smoke to waste life. I'm not addicted to them like I am with drinking. I only smoke when I'm out of alcohol or when I'm stressed. Nobody knows that I started smoking. If they do all hell will break.
It was midnight. My mom was asleep in her room. I went down stairs. Then someone knocked on the door. I answered it. It was my brother.
Dylan: I need to talk to you
Me: I don't want to talk to you
Dylan: You were 8. You can't possibly hold a grudge on me.
Me: Will you stay out of my life if I talk to you
Dylan: yeah
Me: fine were do you want to meet in an hour.
Dylan: downtown at the café
Me: fine
Then he left. I grabbed my pack of cigarettes. I went in the front yard. I lit my cigarette and started to smoke it.
Matt: Hannah?
Me: Shit
Matt: you are smoking now
Me: You don't understand
Matt: You need to stop wasting your life like this
Me: Matt please don't tell anyone
Matt: Okay then give me all of your cigarettes and lighters.
I gave him every single one. He threw them away.
Matt: If you go buy more I will tell spencer
I nodded and got in my car.
Matt: where are you going
Me: I have to be somewhere
Matt: where?
Me: I'm meeting someone
Matt didn't believe me so he got in his car and followed me. I arrived at the café and sat in the same booth as Dylan.
Dylan: hey
Me: what did you want to talk to me about
Dylan: I want to tell you why I left
Me: oh this will be good
Dylan: I left you and mom because I had to figure things out
Me: wow what and excuse
I started to get up but he stopped me.
Dylan: she didn't tell you did she?
Me: tell me what
Dylan: mom she got high and I caught her so she made me leave and to not tell you
Me: she made you leave
A tear fell down my cheek.
Dylan: I'm sorry
Me: I blamed you for leaving all these years and it was her the whole time
Dylan: I'm sorry it's been hard on you
Me: I'm sorry I have to go
I got in my car and drove back home. To my luck mom was up. I walked in the house.
Mom: where were you
Me: when were you going to tell me
Mom: calm down what are you talking about
Me: the real reason why Dylan left.
Mom: you found out
Me: when were you going to tell me
Mom: you were 8 I couldn't tell you
Me: you could've told me when I was 10 or something
Mom: there's a bunch if things that you don't know
I went up to my room. Threw clothes in my bag and my bottle of vodka. I came down stairs drinking it.
Mom: stop drinking that
I turned around and drank some more.
Mom: where are you going
Me: getting the hell out of here
Then I slammed the door and walked out. I was drinking and walking and my vision got worse. I finally got to an empty field and that's where I'm writing you.
I tend to write you when I'm drunk or when something bad happened. But I need to get out of this shit hole. I can't handle living here. Where my dad will probably come back and where my brother is and where the secrets of my mother and just the secrets that this town holds. This town sucks.
I got up. I was going to go to Spencer's but I couldn't I couldn't go back home. So here I am knocking on the guy I couldn't stands door.
Matt: Hannah?
