Me: no I'm not dating you again
Andrew: you have to
Me: why
Andrew: I will hurt every one you truly care about
Me: fine
Then he walked off. I can't believe I was being forced to date him. I can't believe that this was happening again. Yes, this happened more than once. Guys use me all the time and I'm to dumb enough to realize it until it's too late.
I walked out of my house. I thought for awhile. I tried putting together pieces of why he wanted to get back together but couldn't figure anything out. I started crying in frustration, anger, confusion.
Then Luke came up to me.
Luke: what's wrong
Me: I can't right now
Luke: what's going on
Me: I got to go
Then I walked off.
I hated that I was isolating everyone but I had to. I knew if they found out about Andrew they would flip and if other people found out they would make up a rumor and call me a whore or Andrew would say something to his friends about me and it would float around school.
I hated that he was back. The time where everything was sorta getting back to normal then it just crashed down.
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The next day I went to school. I guess word got out that I was back to dating him. Well that sucked.
I hated it. I knew I was going to start caring what people say I knew it was going to affect me.
Rikki: slut
Then the lockers and hallways were covered with poster of my face and it said ugly slut and says what I did with Andrew a few years ago. It wasn't my fault. He drugged me and raped me.
I started crying.
Rikki: is the ugly slut crying
Then I ran down the hallway ripping them off as everyone walked to there next class.
Why did do people try to ruin you I don't understand it. I hated feeling like this feeling like I don't have control is terrible. I hated it I hated Andrew for what he did.
Luke: Hannah!
Me: just leave me alone
Luke walked up to me.
Luke: hey stop ripping them stop it
Me: just leave me alone let me finish ripping them
Luke: no stop
He wrapped his arms around me and I just collapsed to the ground.
Luke: is this what was bothering you yesterday
Me: yeah
Luke: I'm sorry
Me: you don't understand what he did
Luke: I do but why are you dating him again
Me: I don't have a choice
Luke: yeah you do
Me: no I don't luke you don't get it
Luke: then explain to me what's going on.
Me: I can't
Luke took one of the posters from me and read it.
Luke: did this actually happen
Me: yes and no
Luke: how?
Me: he drugged me and then raped me
Luke: why did you tell me
Me: it's not something I want everyone to know
Luke gave me a hug.
Luke: hey let's get out of her
He helped me up and took me home.
Luke: will you be okay by yourself
Me: yeah thanks for taking me home
Then he left. Shortly after he left my dad came home.
Dad: why the fuck are you home
Me: things happened at school
Dad: shut the hell up you whore and stop making damn excuses
I just sat on the couch and stayed quiet.
Then my dad walked over to me.
Dad: you and your mom are such a slut
Me: I thought you were going to try and fix things
Dad: oh hell no. I can't believe you believed me.
Me: can you try
Dad: just shut up
Me: why don't you just get out of this house and go to hell
Then my dad punched me in the face. He did this 5 more times. I had a huge bruise on my face. I was crying.
Dad: don't tell me what to do
Then I walked out of the house crying. I was walking and walking then I ended up at lukes house.
Luke: Hannah this isn't the best time
Me: I only came because I thought you cared
Then I walked away and walked to matts house.
Matt: Hannah what happened
Me: can I come in
I explained to him what happened at school and then what happened at home. He hugged me in pity.
I hated when people pitied me but who can blame them. I pitied myself.
I fell asleep on matts couch. Matt called my mom and explained what happened to her.
She came to pick me up. She kicked my dad out again. I woke up when she picked me up.
Mom: I'm so sorry
Me: it fine
Mom: no it's not you tried so hard to tell me he was hitting you and I didn't believe you but I do know
Me: I hate it here I want to leave
Mom: I know
Then I fell asleep on the couch next to her.
It was hard to see your own mother pity her own daughter.
Then at midnight the doorbell rang.
I got up it was Andrew.
Andrew: you like my little present huh
Me: what do you want
Andrew: you are coming with me to the party
Me: no
Then he dragged me.
I hated felling like I was useless like I had no power. I guess I have to get used to it.
