Matt: nothing I'm fine
Me: I'm sorry
Matt looked up
Matt: why?
Me: I haven't been there for me like you have for me
Matt: that's not true
Me: I just wanted to apologize.
Matt: you have done nothing wrong
Me: well I'm here for you
Then I started to get up.
Matt: wait Hannah
Me: yeah
Matt: I'm sorry I did this
Me: did what
Matt: for being in your business
Me: I don't mind at least I have someone looking out for me.
Then I continued on back in the party. I walked back home. Well that's where I thought I was going until I saw my brother yelling at my mom.
What I over heard wasn't pretty. Dylan was yelling at my mom about being high. Then My name became a part of the subject. Dylan was saying how what they do affect me and what's going on in school. Which I had no clue he knew about. I kept walking pass my house. I hated that my family was falling apart. I hate that I came so used to lying. I lied to myself on how things will get better and how things will be the same one day. I lied to my family that I was fine I lied to my friends that everything's okay when I know it's not. Why did I have to go through this. Why did I have to have a drug addicted mother and an abusive, alcoholic, lying father. So where I went to to clear m head is an empty field.
The sky was clear. You could see every star perfectly. I laid in the middle of the field. I looked at the stars. While I was looking fat the stars I felt a tear escape from my eyes.
I want to get out this town. It's nothing but terrible memories. I want to run away and the closet thing to that is sitting here and writing in this dumb book. I put the book away wiped my tears away and got up. I decided to walk to the cemetery. Yeah you may think why aren you going to the cemetery. Well you thought I only had a brother I had a sister too. She died when I was nine. The next year when everyone left. She died when she was 16.
I haven't visited her in awhile so I decided to visit her.
When I got to her grave. I kneeled down and started to talk to her like she was still her.
Me: Anna I miss you.. It's been awhile since I came to see you. I wish you were here I wish you were here to help me to help me get through this. I can't handle it anymore. Maybe it won't be that long till I see you. I know that's terrible to say but I can't do it anymore. You would tell me to stay strong but I can't anymore. I miss you so much.
Spencer: we all miss her
I turned around
Me: Spencer
Spencer: I thought you'd be here
Me: I can't do it anymore
Spencer: come on let's go to my house.
When we got to her house we went to her room. I sat on her bed sitting against her pillows.
Me: Spenc I can't do this anymore
Spencer: you can do this you can't let them get their satisfaction
Me: I'm failing all my classes I can't focus. It's getting worse and worse everyday. Dylan knows what's going on at school. My mother doesn't care and I'm terrified to go home my dads living there now.
