Luke: do you um want to be my girlfriend
I wasn't ready for a relationship. I know you may think but you like him and made a big deal about it. But I'm not ready for one.
Me: I can't
Luke: why not
Me: I just can't
And I ran off crying. You may think I cry a lot to or I over react a lot but I'm sorry that's how I am.
I ran I felt free I wanted a night of no drama of no one asking why but that can never happen.
I was running and then I ran into Dylan.
Dylan: Hannah what's wrong
Me: like you care
Dylan: I know I haven't been around the past couple of years but I was forced to leave.
Me: I know but why would you care
Dylan: I'm your big brother of course I care
Me: can we talk
Dylan: of course
We sat on the bench that happened to be right next to us.
Dylan: so what's been going on
Me: I can't deal with mom and dad anymore
Dylan: why what's going on
Me: they don't care. They are getting back together and they won't listen to what I have to say
Dylan: I'm sorry it's just this rough patch you have to get through
Me: I hate it.
Dylan: what's going on at school
Me: well Spencer and Alex are back so all the people that I hung out with them all of suddenly comes talking to me after they isolated me for so many years.
Dylan: is that what's bothering you
Me: I just want out of this fucked up town
He let me cry and tell him every single thing I hate about this town.
Me: thanks for letting me talk to you but I better get back before my friends start to worry
While I was walking back my phone went off. I got a text from Rikki.
Rikki: you little bitch you told Luke
Me: no I didn't
Rikki: yes you did don't lie
Me: ok so what if I did
I was lying to her at this point.
Rikki: stay away from him you whore. I want him to be mine and if you stop that I will tell your secret and if will bring Andrew back in your life
Me: fine
Then I walked back into the barn. Luke was still there.
Luke: sorry about earlier
Me: we can't be friends anymore
Luke: why is it because I kissed you
Me: no I.. I .. I can't it's more than that it's complicated
Then I got a text from Rikki.
Rikki: watch what you say and if you say I said any of this I will bring you down
Then I tossed my phone on the ground and closed my eyes. Luke grabbed my phone and read the texts.
Luke: you don't have to listen to her
Me: I have to I don't want him back into life or the school to know anything about me cutting
Luke: I'll stay with her for you and won't tell
Me: really?
Luke: yeah
Then my phone went off. My mom was calling.
Me: hello?
Mom: you bitch. I hate you so much I wish I never had you as a daughter why the hell are you even talking to your brother
Me: what he's the only part of the family I can talk to and they will listen
Mom: I listen
Me: no all you do is date guys who use you for sex so don't even. You pushed me so far out of your life that you could careless.
Mom: that's not true I was there for you when your sister died
Me: the hell you were you just isolated me out like you did to the rest of the family
Mom: Hannah I'm trying to do better
Me: I am too but with all of your bullshit I am failing because of it I drink because of it
Mom: don't put all that on me
Me: it's your fault you are suppose to be my mom
Mom: go to hell
Then she ended the call. I stared to cry. It was hard trying to deal with her drunk self. I know she was drunk and that's why she said it but all of the truth comes out when she's drunk I hated it. I hated her. I hated myself because I felt like I did this. I try to tell myself no it was her decisions. Why did this hurt so much.
Alex: she didn't mean any of that
Me: I'm sure she did
Matt: I'm sorry
Me: stop feeling pity for me I hate it so much
Spencer: she's just drunk
Me: I know
Luke: you just have to push past it maybe if you opened up to her it would help things
Me: I do put she doesn't care or listen
Luke: just give her time
I hated when he was right when all my friends give me advise and they are right I hated it. I hated that I knew I had to do it but I had no clue how to.
It was late and everyone fell asleep. I was still awake. I thought about the good times I had with my mom.
I remembered the time when I was little we has coloring competitions. I remembered when I got my first heart break she tried cheering me up with the dumb- funny things she did in highschool even the guys she dated.
I wish it can go back the way it was. I had fun back then I was care free. I had no drama in my life.
In the morning everyone left and I headed back inside my house.
When I got in my house my dad was waiting for me.
Dad: we need to talk
Me: we have nothing to talk about
Dad: just here me out I'm sorry I want your trust back I'm trying to help your mom to stop drinking and the drugs
Me: really?
Dad; yeah I'm sorry for hurting you. I know this has affected you very dramatically too but i think this family needs a change
Me: yeah id like that
Dad: so would you go to therapy with us
Me: yeah
I was so ready for this family to be back to normal. It was nice that my dad was saying sorry but I didn't know weather to believe him or not. But I guess it's worth a shot right.
