We Fell Apart

Prologue

"Skylar, do you remember what happened?" The woman asks of me

I nod my head, the sharp pain feeling more acute when I do.
I don't  Everything has just been a blur of different people coming in to speak to me, informal I didn't want to process and probably couldn't have either way.  I was told that I was "lucky".
I only remembering waking up in the hospital and then going home and having my bags shoved into my hand before being brought here. I remember seeing Katlyn and I remember a lot of tears and screaming. And Angela and Jamie as well. I think I might have seen Genna amongst the crowd of people at home and Damien, for some reason. Him and Kevin were arguing. I'm sure it was just another hallucination because no way could all those people be crowded in the same room and not have myself remember every single moment. TJ. I remember that. I knew that was the only fact worth remembering because he'd saved me. Of been told that a million times over. The people here had let me off easy, I knew that. I, 

"Skylar, what happened was very serious." The lady says to me in a slow voice.

I know, I failed. I failed at everything and I have never wanted something to go away so badly. The reality of what had happened kept hitting me in waves before crashing down on me all over again with some more nauseating reminders. I didn't need someone else to beat me up about it.

"Skylar, we have a very diferent therapy method here. I need for you to take this journal and write. This is one stage of the therapy. I want for you to write about everything that happened. Start from where you think is the beginning and end now. What you think made you depressed, why you did what you did, how you coped..."
She hands me the large journal which is smooth and shiny, black with gold writing on the front with the words "Hope" imprinted on the front.
I nod numbly, not wanting to disagree with her and open up to the first page, not bothering to listen to her further.
"Your family will be here to see you..."
I starred at the black page in front of me before slowly reaching for the pen she'd been holding out and un capping it. The tip of the pen touches the page and suddenly all the silence becomes black ink. I don't know why I chose to begin writing, all I knew was that once I started, I couldn't stop. I needed, desperately craved the freedom it gave me.

I sometimes fail to remember things as they happened until the last moments before I fall asleep. In these moments I remember every detail of memories that are long forgotten playing endlessly in my mind. I will always remember this year as a technicoloured mass of people, sounds and memories, each arousing my senses in individual ways, every single moment etched into the back of my mind. And almost every moment of happiness feels completely and utterly false because they came so far and few between random episodes of depression.The only moments that feel real in my brain are those in which my memories are distorted and I can't specifically recall each detail.  Each season has a bitter sweet memory to go with it, each month a memorable person who impacted my life so greatly and changed me to the point where I was no longer recognisable even to myself. My actions confused me and repelled me.They changed me and I changed them. Each scent and each sound became timelessly engraved into my heart where they shall hauntingly remain. Each bruise and mark I collected during the two years that changed me became a brutal reminder of the mistakes I made amd the ones of others that affected me. Each thing was made permanent in my mind. I could never erase it but I knew I'd need to recover.