We Fell Apart

The Great Escape.

I knew that Kevin and I didn't have the romance of the century and even though he meant a lot to me at one point, I would soon grow bored. That's what I thought. Kevin was my first real love. My only real love. There's no denying that even now though he might not still have the capability to make my heart beat till I feel it's about to explode, I still feel a pang every time I see him. At the end of our short lived romance that sort of just fizzed away, I could even convince myself that he was just a friend I was -in no uncertain terms- fucking. Deep down I knew better though. Kevin was an important part in my string of relationships throughout the years. We never really dated and I can't label our relationship but that's how I wanted it, simple but passionate. I knew that if I had grown up a bit we could still be together. With Damien I found myself unable to label our relationship but there was nothing simple about it. Damien was dangerous in every way and that gave me excitement. I thought I loved him, but looking back it had always been Kevin.

He handed me the cigarette and I was too intoxicated to notice the smell coming from it. I took a long, shaky pull and immediately started coughing. Damien laughed and it didn't cross my mind to be mad that he had done this on purpose.

"Cigarette? " I croak between coughs.

"I'm sorry! " he exclaimed laughing as I smacked him. "Look, the weed isn't even that strong and this joint is tiny."

I laughed as I took one more - short- pull and passed it back to him.

I looked into his eyes and moved closer on the couch.

"Damien, " I say tilting my head to look at him "You know we want the same things." I continue moving my index finger along his jaw.

His eyes dance with laughter as he returns the gesture.

"How would you know anything about what a guy like me wants?" He mummers.

Because I'm not a fucking child. Because I've fucked more guys than you can count. Because I've had a crush on you for momths now. So many good responses to that.

"That's the thing, " I choose to say carefully instead "You can never be sure about anything" I say with a knowing smirk. He looks thoughtful for a minute before snaking his arm around my waist and throwing the burnt out blunt onto the floor. Our bodies move together and I push him down onto the couch and lower my body on top of his so that we're lying on the couch. When our lips meet I deliberately make the kiss slow. He tries twice to take control and deepen the kiss but I pull back on both attempts.

"Skylar" he moans and the sound vibrates through my body. I have to stay in control. Just of this one thing. It doesn't cross my mind to be disgusted with myself by the fact that sleeping with my best friend's brother had largely to do with the fact that I still needed to prove to myself that I was in control of at least the one thing I'd lost control of so long ago. My body. It had very little to do with the fact that I had a growing but minor crush on him.

His hands move to remove my dress and I feel a flash of irritability at how rough he's being and trying to assert his dominance. I catch his hands in a swift movement and place them on my chest.

"Patience Damien." I mock breaking the kiss. The expression on his face is of pure hunger and his breathing is heavy.

"How would I know anything about what a guy like you wants?" I ask mockingly. "Well I'm gonna take a guess and say you want me pretty badly right now." His mouth claims mine again and he licks my lips silently pleading with me to deepen the kiss. I could tell he was used to being in control and suddenly the game intensified in my mind.

I deepen the kiss for all of two minutes before standing up and walking to the kitchen. My black stilettos clicked on the tile kitchen floor as I poured myself a glass of his parents expensive whiskey. I walked back to the lounge taking my time and when I got there, Damien sat on the couch looking confused and vulnerable. The faint smell of weed stung my nose. I took a sip of the whisky and moved my hand to my back successfully pulling my zipper down and climbing out of the skin tight, black bandage dress I'd worn. I stood in my black heels and matching expensive bra and underwear. Everything was moving fast and I suddenly felt like Angela. Once again it didn't cross my mind to be sickened by my train of thought as I walked back over to Damien and he whispered in my ear "What the fuck are you playing it?"

It didn't cross my mind to be disgusted at what I'd become as I straddled him and let him remove my panties. It didn't cross my mind that Angela would be hurt by this. Angela, who'd been through so much. All that crossed my mind was to love the feeling of power as I seduced Damien and turned the bad boy into a quivering little mess, repeatedly in the time period of a month.

He stretched out on his bed and grabbed me. "I love you. " He whispered as he pressed feather light kisses onto my collarbone. I laughed at the sentence I'd heard too many times in the past month but even if he didn't mean it, I knew that if I said it I most definitely would.

My body ached and my skin was covered in possessive bruises and bite marks. I didn't feel like facing that big empty house because I'd been thinking about that night again. I shiver as I start thinking about it again and I push Damien off me.

"What?" he asks with a dazed look in his eyes.

I shake my head and remove his hands from where he'd placed them on my hips.

"I don't get you Skylar. " he said as he shook his head but gazed up at me lovingly. No, longingly.

I laugh off his statement but it hurt me all the same. He never would get me. He never even tried to understand me.

"Okay," he says finally. "We'll cuddle."

I can't have him touching me right now.

"I need to get home. " I blurt and he looked at me puzzled, knowing my mom is staying at Dray's house tonight. He shrugs but I see the hurt on his face. He smiles tightly and kisses me before rolling over on his bed to face the other wall.

"Yeah," he says vaguely. "I need to see Amber today anyway." I smile to myself as I put on my flat black pumps. I know he's just saying that to make himself feel tough and independent of me. And even if he did see "Amber" I knew it wouldn't mean anything. He could fuck her as many times as he wanted. I straighten my stockings and check for ladders before fixing my navy blue high waisted skirt. I pick up my black pursue that I'd worn to match my boyfriend blazer that was somewhere downstairs. I fumbled on the floor until I found my large shades and walked out of his room. I searched for my blazer and car keys downstairs which took an estimate of 3 minutes before leaving the house. Once I'm safely inserted into the car I check my reflection in the rear view mirror and back out of the driveway. I marvel at how there's not a hair out of place. I looked perfect on the outside. My skin was perfect, an after effect of living the luxurious life and eating good food, experiencing the sun on the most exclusive beaches and still getting the best spot because of my good looks. Everything about "us" had been different since we were kids. The way we talked, walked, looked. Our scent was more expensive, our clothes were designer. A beep from my purse signalling a new message distracts me from my thoughts. I look down in the passenger seat at my black purse deliberating whether to get my phone out or not. Deciding the latter, my eyes flick up in time to see a car swerving out of it's lane and coming towards me. I do my best not to panic but the steering wheel becomes heavy in my hands. I can't do an emergency break because the other person's large dodge would still crash my tiny Mercedes. I manage to get off the road in the nick of time. The large Dodge speeds off, still on the wrong side of the road and my heart hammers inside my chest as I nervously drum my fingers on the steering wheel.

Shit I think to myself. What an ass hole.

I make sure my car is alright and I almost swoon in relief. Kissing the hood of the Mercedes I jump back into the drivers seat. The car was a CLS 350. It wasn't a newer model but I loved the way it looked. The way it sounded. The way it moved smoothly and stood out amongst other people's cars. I felt in power with this car. I check my phone and there's a chain of messages but I'm only interested in entering one thread. Damien's.

14:15 You home?

15:27 Skylar?

15:30 Don't make me needy

15:42 You've never faked it, have you?

15:43 That moan today made it seem like you have. Was that even real?

15:55 You haven't! ;) right?

I laugh at the random messages, quickly typing out a reply and put the phone down.

It's getting late and I need to get back home to make sure Angela is okay but I had one more place to drop by.

Devon's house.