We Fell Apart

Beauty in boardwalks

Eyes meet their peace in difficulties, with wounded lips and salted cheeks and finally we step to leave to the departure lounge of disbelief.

I'm awoken by the muffled sound of beating hearts by Ellie Goulding.

It startles me from the nightmare I was currently having.

And I don't know where I'm going but I know it's gonna be a long time and I'll be leaving in the morning come the white wine bitter sunlight.

I reach for my iphone somewhere beneath the mass of blankets on my bed and switch off the alarm.

My breathing was shallow and I'm grateful for the alarm that had just saved me from waking up mid panic attack.

When my breathing is in check I go to the bathroom to take a shower.

I realise how pointless that is considering I'm about to take a jog and then come back to take another shower again in preparation for school.

My mom was probably already at work and Dray was visiting his ill grandmother for the week.

I throw on a pair of sweats and a tank top before putting on my Nike sneakers and leaving the house.

The beach, even this early is already crowded with people and the loud chatter of the tourists, couples and children ready to bunk school is just what I need. I jog across the warm beach sand, my feet drumming along the beautiful beach.

When I reach far enough and check the time, I realise that I'm going to be late for school if I didn't get home now.

Thoughts flow in and out of my head. Ceaselessly tormenting me as thoughts of the future continue to frighten me. The thought of the future wasn't what scared me the most. It was how I would survive the long days, the people surrounding me, the feeling of sobriety followed by heavy intoxication. It seemed overwhelming as my feet adapted to the change from sand to gravel and then marble as I enter the house. The slam of the door echoes through the house and my footsteps are masked by the expensive carpet.

I sigh as I walk into my bedroom and proceed to take another shower.

When I exit the steaming room I towel dry my hair and get dressed in my school uniform, not bothering with make up.

I leave the house and get into my car, speeding down the empty California roads. When I enter the school parking lot, I sigh again before getting my handbag and leaving the car.

Assembly.

♡♡♡♥♥♥

"I'm staying at Angela's." I say to my mother through the phone.

"Okay, honey." my mom responds in a distracted voice.

not that you care I think when I hang up with promises of texts and calls to my mother.

I walk back into the blonde boys room.

I forgot his name and it was a struggle not to stumble as I walk towards the bed.

We fall onto the bed with him on top of me. He's kissing my neck and mumbling my name.

In that moment I feel so repulsed with my self that bile rises in my throat. He's removing my clothes and my breathing becomes shallow.

Shit. I know I shouldn't go through with this but I wanted to get it over and done with so I could leave. I owed him that much.

When I left the boy who's name was unknown to me, I had drunkenly stumbled off his porch and madr it to Angela's house by some miracle.