We Fell Apart

I'm not gonna write you a love song

My dinners with TJ's family were often and his parents where perhaps the most obnoxious and pompous people I'd ever have the displeasure of meeting. On the many occasions I'd met them they'd been filled with a carelessness when regarding other people due to their unmentionable amount of wealth. They'd been obnoxious and humourless, they scared me witless and for some reason unbeknown to me, they absolutely adored me.

"Skylar, darling, pass the salt, yes?" TJ's mom asked and I cringed at the way she said "yes?" after every question. On the surface, I smile politely and pass her the salt. "Thanks darling, yes?" She drawls, elegantly grabbing the salt shaker from my hand. I roll my eyes internally as these dinners have become too often.

"So Skylar," His dad begins. I groaned inaudibly. I knew what was coming and because of that I found it wasn't a toss up when trying to figure out which one of TJ's parents I despised the most. His dad, no doubt.

TJ's sister, Tyra (Call me Tee), who always looked bored around her family,  was sitting silently at the table. Her blonde hair was tied up in a messy bun and her pink lips curled in disgust as she glared at her father, knowing what would come next. S

"When do you think this engagement ring will be coming, mhh?" He had the same annoying habit as his wife except he said "mhh?" instead.

"Darling! You mustn't ask those questions, yes?" His wife says looking scandalised. She's secretly delighted, the old bitch.

TJ shoots his parents a cold look. "When we're ready." He replies.

I chew silently on my pasta and wait for the argument to unravel, as it always did.

"He didn't ask you, Tevon, yes?" his mom snaps.

"Uhm, he's right. When we're ready?" I interrupt unsurely.

"You don't have to answer any stupid questions, babe." TJ says, shooting me an unapologetic look.

I nod and chew my pasta, preparing for the battle ahead and knowing I wouldn't be able to get a word in edgewise. I like it like that.  TJ's father is the first one to break, as I knew he would be. He begins roaring at TJ for being disrespectful and his wife scolds him for shouting at her son. The argument becomes a battle of defending one another and I tune in only when my name is mentioned.

When we eventually stand to leave the table, TJ walks me to my car  and I'm emotionally drained.

"They're unbearable!" He groans when we reach my car.

I laugh at his apologetic expression and wrap my arms around his neck.

He hugs me back and our lips meet. I feel the familiar tingle of lust race through my body, followed by the even more familiar feeling of burdening guilt. It was just that. Lust.

"I love you." He whispers when we break apart. I smile tightly at him as I always do when I hear that particular sentence.

As if my saving grace, Tee comes barging out of the house. The familiar mischievous glint that disappears with her family is back in her eyes as she struggles to shrug on her trench coat and jog towards my car.

"Going somewhere?" Her brother asks.

Tee nods enthusiastically and for the first time I notice the small overnight bag in her hand. "I'm sleeping over at Skye's!" she beams. I chuckle "Where do you really wanna go?"

She gives me a measured look and signals at her brother.

"Block your ears, babe." I grin. He rolls his eyes and does as he's told.

"My boyfriend's house, it's on your way." She explains. I shrug and nod for her to get in the car.

When she closes the door TJ squeezes his eyes tightly and says "She's so far gone." He whispers.  I turn around and look at the teenage girl beaming and her cell phone. I feel a lump in my throat as I nod my head, not bothering to sugar coat it. I saw myself in her. She was too similar in the way she moved and partied too hard, her major confidence and her string of boyfriends.

"I'm sorry." I whisper, squeezing his hand. He smiles tightly and motions for me to get in the car. I do just that.

♡♡♡♥♥♥

"Turn left." Tee says.

I nod and indicate. She points at a white run down house.

This feels strangely familiar. I sigh as I realise that it's a very familiar house, indeed. I keep driving down the road, ignoring her confused protests and outraged swear words.

"That guy, your boyfriend, he's an ex of mine." I lie blatantly.

She gapes at me "So?"

"He hit me." I respond simply, continuing down the road.

"Bullshit." She exclaims.

"Okay, yes," I say calmly "but Devon dated a friend of mine. Long story short, he got her pregnant and then beat the crap out of her." I explain as I pull up inti my driveway.

Tee stares at me in disbelief and shakes her head profusely. I roll my eyes and unlock the car doors.

"Should I call your mother, Tee?" I threaten. She bursts out laughing "Nice Skye." she says whilst getting out of the car.

"You're not upset, yeah?" I ask her when I'd removed myself from the car. She shakes her head and raises her eyebrow at me "He was just a good lay." She shrugs, turning around to walk over to the front door. I stop dead in my tracks realising I'd probably been saying those words since I was fifteen.

"Are you coming?" she calls over her shoulder. I nod even though she can't see me and rush after her to the front door. The sixteen year old waits impatiently for me to open the door and as I fumble for my keys she reaches into her pocket and grabs a box of cigarettes.

"Tyra!" I hiss, grabbing the box from her and throwing it into a pot plant near by.

"Stop killing my buzz tonight, Skye. you're supposed to be chilled." She snaps.

I ignore her and open the door, walking quickly up the stairs and she struggles to keep up with me.

This is going to be a long night.

♡♡♡♥♥♥

22:11 You arrived safely?

I opened the text once Tee was safely inserted into a bed in one of the guest bedrooms with bars on the window. I send a quick reply to TJ and get a response in a matter of seconds.

22:13 Tee?

I sigh and type out a reply-

22:13 She came home with me. Long story. I'll talk to you tomorrow. Night xx

He responds immediately again and I didn't even leave the chat.

22:14 Night babe. Love you.

I delete the thread and place my phone on my bedside table, ignoring the occasional vibration letting me now of instagram or Twitter notifications or another half a dozen social networking apps I had on my phone.

I fall onto my bed, afraid to close my eyes but knowing I would have to in a minute. The fatigue and constant exhaustion had been affecting me so much I was beginning to hear voices and hallucinate.

With a sigh, I fall onto my pillow and close my eyes, falling asleep instantly.

This was around about the time when I'd given up any hope of recovery. I'd thought about death and the nothingness it would provide and I had deemed myself unworthy of such bliss. I had let sobriety follow me on cold nights and warm ones. Alcohol and late night sex sessions were a thing of the past and it would be a good thing to anyone watching since the heavy partying had only come when the depression had begun but I don't remember myself prior to that. Amidst all the alcohol and drugs I'd lost my former self and the person I'd become no longer held any appeal to me. There was no old Skylar because I could barely provide proof of her existence and there was no new Skylar. I was simply a ghost, a phantom. A lifeless form of my former self. I had no personality, likes or dislikes and had nothing to believe in.

My nightmares increased in their occurrence and the depth and emotion they held. I feared slumber of any kind but when I was awake, hollow voices echoed through my head, encouraging self harm and delusions that I lived and breathed. There was no escaping the nightmarish quality that my life had taken. I was slowly slipping.