We Fell Apart

Learning Lies Chronologically

I know this chapter is hard to understand and so if you find anything you don't understand feel free to ask;)

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I'm sitting with my legs folded in the comfortable chair.

She closes the diary, her expression giving nothing away. She's staring at me and I continue chipping off my jungle red nail polish, faking oblivion and not bowing to the pressure.

Finally she breaks the silence "Skylar, this is extremely well written."

I beam up at her and patiently wait for the "but".

"But the events don't add up." She says flatly. I look up at her innocently and twirl a strand of my hair on my index finger.

"Which events Dr. Jacobs?"

I'm ready to lie my ass of. I spent my entire hopefully, last night here preparing for this. "The summer in your diary is too long, at one point you write from Angela's perspective, you keep referencing two years but in the book you only talk about one year." She says shaking her head.

I perfect an outwardly outraged look but inside I smile to myself. She said the things I had practiced on covering up for.

"Dr Jacobs!" I say, faking shock.

"Skylar I have to ask." She says calmly.

"I suppose you do," I sigh and begin my practiced speech, hoping to make it sound spontaneous. "The first week of school Angela and I spoke and she told me everything she'd been feeling. I just sort of assumed the rest because in those moments I didn't want to be myself. The two years in my mind sort of got jumbled. I blanked out on the unnecessary and only the truly traumatic experiences got left in my head. It just sort of happened that why. Everything that influenced my depression is in that book," I say pointing to the diary. "When I first got here you asked me to write a diary speaking about the events that led to that night and these are those events. Is the sequence really necessary?" I ask, shocking myself with my ability to lie so easily and fluently.

She sighs in relief and pulls out a form from her desk drawer. Grabbing a pen from her messy hair Dr Jacob asks the questions on the form.

"Do you still feel the urge to end your life?"

"I never did." I say in amuaed tone.

She looks fed up and says in her best no-nonsense tone. "Do you still feel like not living Skylar?"

"No" I reply sweetly.

"Do you-"

"It wasn't very original though, was it?" I ask.

She looks annoyed but her expression forcibly changes to one of patience.

"What wasn't very original, Skylar?"

"Well, you used the same method almost any psychologist in California would use." I state simply. She looks at me in confusion and I sigh. "Continue." I tell her.

She asks me a series of questions similar to the first and finally she asks "Skylar, you were sexually abused yet you, in this diary, mentioned how you often slept with a large amount of boys. You realised that it wasn't normal that after being raped you would crave human affection so much yet simultaneously you spoke about how intimacy repulsed you. Do you still feel any of these emotions?"

"No." I reply simply, shrugging. "I'm not going to jump into bed with a bunch of guys and if I want to, he'll do it in my time on an intimate bases." I say firmly and she smiles.

"It's been a pleasure." She says finally.

"I can leave?" I ask excitedly, jumping up and down in my chair like a kid in a candy store.

Laughing she responds,  "Your mother is in the waiting room."

I squeal excitedly before giving her a tight hug and grabbing my bags in the room I had stayed in for over two months.

When I walk into the reception area, I'm not expecting to see Kristen standing next to my mother and father. Her dark brown hair is tied up in a messy bun and her face is bare of make up. She's wearing a pair of jeans splattered with paint and rips with a black tank top. Her feet are encased in chucks making her look childlike and vulnerable.

Amy is wearing a pair of skinny jeans and a loose top with her hair tied up.

I beam at each one of my family members and drop my bags, running to throw my arms around their necks.

I hug Amy and then Kristen and finally my dad. I hadn't seen Amy since the morning I woke up in the hospital. I'd had my stomach pumped for almost two hours the night before and the experience was too painful to remember. I realise how selfish I'd been, not thinking of whoever might have found me. TJ did. TJ found me and saved my life. There's nothing I could do to repay him except give him my unadulterated honesty. So I did and it worked because he forgave me. If he hadn't chosen that night to come and confront me about the unanswered messages and phone calls, I would be dead. But that's something I know appreciate.

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As we walk out of the building I realise I've learnt a lot of the things and I try to reflect on them. I could sum up everything that I've learnt these past few years with a few cliché sayings. But none come to mind. I've had a lot of time to think but absolutely nothing comes to mind. I smile widely as I realise that this is exactly how I want it.