We Fell Apart

Jamie, what you doing

The title of the chapter is an old song reference ;) I found this chapter incredibly hard to write but enjoy :)
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Just because Angela and I were close friends didn't mean I didn't have other friends. Jamie was one of my closest friends. Her lage chest and her even larger personality made up for all the dull moments in life.

"Dude, no fucking way!" we both began laughing out loud. What had I even said?
We were lying in Jamie's backyard and staring at the sky. Jamie passed me the blunt we were smoking and let out a long shaky breath before chocking as the smoke went back in her face. I burst out laughing again and take a long pull before discarding the small burnt-out joint. Jamie's large chest jiggled as she tried to stand up but promptly fell back onto the grass with a thump.

"Oh" she exclaimed. She reminded me so much of a child who'd just gotten their favourite toy taken away but was too shocked to cry. I laughed even harder and she joined me, our laughter filling the entire backyard. 

"So your mom's getting married, yeah?" she asks when our laughter died down.

"Yeah" I nodded slowly. "Too much shit is going on," I sigh and roll over so that I'm lying on my stomach and facing her. The movement was abrupt and made my head feel like it was about to fall off and I welcomed the pleasant and familiar feeling.

"Your sister?" she questions.

"She was in New York." I sigh

"Your dad?" She asks.

"What about him?" I laugh, trying hard to stop the conversation getting too serious. I was far too baked for this.

"Where is he?"

"New York still" I say simply and Jamie turns over to look at me before we both burst out laughing again.

"Katy's home."

"And how does that feel?"

"What are you? My shrink?" I ask lightly but then I look at her seriously. "How do I forgive her Jamie? We used to be so close and she left when I needed her."

"They always do." She said simply before closing her eyes. Weed always made her sleepy, apparently. And we'd had a lot of it. I'd excuse her for the time being.

I nudge her with one foot and laugh as she turns over on the grass.

I'm laughing hysterically now for no apparent reason. Standing up, I go inside the house and into the kitchen, still laughing hysterically and barely able to look for what I was searching for. Finally, I remember and walk into the pantry, successfully finding the switch I was looking for. I hold my breath and count to seven before I hear the familiar screech ring through the house from outside. I kneel over and continue laughing, only stopping to wipe my eyes as they begin to water and start again as Jamie walks in the house, her clothing dripping with water and her hair falling at her shoulders, now wet and curly.

"You bitch!" She screeches. I double over with laughter as she almost slips. She stops in the middle of the tiled floor and a smile stretches over her face.

She groans as she also begins to laugh.

"I can't believe you switched on the sprinkler!" She says between laughter.

"I can't believe you fell asleep." I retort. She walks over and puts her arms around me. Her large chest squishing me and the water ruining my own clothing.

This was the typical day I shared with Jamie. It was always filled with laughter and never got too intense.

Jamie was absolutely beautiful and even though her family, which consisted of her and her mother, were not as wealthy as Angela and I's she was still way happier than either of us had been in a long time. Her mom had a job as an executive for some big company but she adored Jamie and made sure that she always came first. She was always home in time to cook dinner for her beloved daughter or take her out to a fancy restaurant. She did everything to provide her daughter with happiness and in turn Jamie had never had to see a therapist like most people I know. Even after her father's untimely death, her mother had picked her back up and brushed it off, never letting her grief show in front of her daughter. I remember those few days after Jamie's father passed away, two years ago. It was horrible and as a young, fresh faced fifteen year old, I'd taken the Friday off from school to make sure my friend was okay.

"Jamie?" I asked cautiously as I entered the door to her bedroom.

She was lying on her bed, facing her wall. Her eyes were red and puffy and she looked as if she hadn't slept for days. She had dry tear stains on her face.

"Skye?" She asks, looking through me.

"And Genna." The girl with me clears her throat. She was tall and curvaceous and had a thick accent. I openly envied her flawless complexion and the dark, straight curtain of hair. More noticeably, I envied her hour glass figure. She was perfect.

Jamie turned around on her bed and I immediately went to put my arms around her and Genna  followed suit. "Oh baby. I'm so sorry." Genna whispers as Jamie begins to sob, stroking her hair.

I stand up from the bed, leaving them in an embrace and go outside, collecting the Marks and Spencer bag and Genna's handbag which we had left on her doorstep. Handing both girls an ice cream tub and spoon, I take off each lid and mix the ice cream with rum from Genna's bag. Jamie gave a weary smile and I stashed the half empty bottle back in Genna's bag as was ritual. I knew that right now more than ever, she'd need the routine and at least the comfort the alcohol would provide her.

When my limbs began to feel loose and my head was light, Jamie was openly sobbing every ten minutes and we were each too intoxicated to comfort her. She didn't notice.

"I told him I hated him." She sobs, the alcohol further depressing her. Maybe it wasn't such a good idea, after all.

"When he left for work. I told him he was the worst dad ever. And then he got into an accident" her voice wobbles and she hiccups. "He died because of me." She whispers and then let's out one more heartbreaking sob.

I don't remember the rest of that day but I know that fall wasn't easy for anyone. I was openly grieving for the man that had been Jamie's father. He had been like an uncle to me and the grief it caused Jamie made it even worse for me. Slowly but surely Jamie began to become herself and refused to see a grief counsellor, deeming it useless. After a lot of convincing she stopped outwardly blaming herself for her father's death and two years later she could now speak about him with a large smile on her face, repeating fond memories of him. I can't imagine that if my father were to pass on,  whilst my parents were still married, we would all grow closer. It would have torn us apart and we would have grown separate. That fall, two years ago I watched my friend cultivate until she became the happy person she is today. The alcohol that fall, flowed easily and we each began experimenting with drugs, alcohol and dipping into the pool of unending and unsuspecting college boys. We smoked till our eyes watered and drank alcohol that we most definitely couldn't handle.

"Jamie?" I whisper. She was drying her wet hair and had changed her clothes

"Yeah?" She asks, distracted by the task of drying her brown, wavy locks.

"I love you." I say, before putting my arms around her from behind.

She chuckles softly but put her hands ove mine having successfully put her hair into a French braid.

"I love you too, idiot." She says softly, not questioning it. I knew she wouldn't. Jamie was a person full of depth in a world of one dimensional people. She was never outwardly curious and was always patient. Her humour was almost always appropriate and when it wasn't, her silence was comforting enough.

She looks in my eyes through the mirror.

"Skylar, you're gonna be okay, baby."

I sigh softly. "Let's hope so Jame." I whisper.