Fell For It

Chapter 16

For the last three days Xavier has been staying at my house , helping me stay out of the kitchen to prevent picking up another bottle. He's actually been helping me out a lot. Honestly he's the first guy to really drop everything in his life to help me. Without him I'd probably still be locked in my room downing liquor. Lost in sorrow and regret, lost with a broken heart, destroyed, and confused. I'm sure part of it has to do with my mother the situation with Xavier was just the cherry on top. With X I've felt cleansed , uplifted, and blissful. I don't know what I'd do without him. I emphasized 'him' in my journal. Closing the metallic cover over my last few months of thoughts, I set the pen on the journal and sighed staring into the distance , just grateful for him. Xavier, the man who's pointed me in a better direction.

"You okay?" He asked , I nodded my head giving him my attention. He was standing in my doorway leaning on the frame with his arms crossed, smirking , amused with my discomfort as I stared him in the eyes with panic sprawled all over my face.

"What's that?" He asked pointing at the journal , I grabbed it shoving it under my bed.

"It's nothing important." I responded quietly.

"Nothing important? It seemed important when you closed it and sighed zoning out." He laughed sitting next to me leaning over the bed to grab it.

"No really , it's nothing important. You don't want to read it it's actually all boring." I reached for it quickly, Xavier's hand grasped my wrist tightly before I could grab the journal.

"I think I'll enjoy it, you have a beautiful mind as it is, Let me venture into the depths of your thoughts." He said with a smile.
How'd he know that poem? I wrote that in a little bit ago... it was my favorite small piece about Xavier, from the night we hung out at a lake. He was telling me about his thoughts in life and where he wanted to be. So how'd he know I wrote that?

"How'd you know that?" I asked in shock.

"You whispered it to yourself about two months ago, Your door was cracked  it sounded like you were speaking to someone so I listened. It wasn't someone you were talking to though , you were reading. Was it from this?" He asked shaking the journal.
I nodded my head captivated in his stern stare.

"Then I definitely have a reason to want to read it." He said opening the journal to the first page, it was titled Something Different . It was about the first day I met him at Toby's house , when I saw him in the hall way before using the bathroom, when we met eyes I was feeling something different towards him. It was a total new feeling because I don't like guys, I always stayed away from them. Xavier was different. I felt drawn to him in a very intense way just from locking eyes.
I watched him as he flipped through the pages , one after another scribbled in blue and red ink.
I was nervous , I never thought this day would come, The day where he reads my secrets about him.

He cleared his throat and I stared at him intensely.

"Uhm.. are these... are these about me?" He looked at me as if in awe about my writing.
Even though it's far from amazing maybe more so creepy.

"Uh no... I mean maybe... maybe yes. Maybe they are, I don't know. They don't mean anything. I was just experimenting on things for-"

"There's no need to make excuses Jay, it's beautifully thought out and described. I wouldn't think of myself this way but it's kinda of refreshing someone else does and just very.." he seemed confused and zoned out in himself. The look on his face made it seem like he didn't know how to digest exactly how I felt about him. All the times we were around each other gave me a different feeling. Sometimes unexplainable, Theres a few entries in there that are only half finished.