Everything I didn't say☆L.H

22. What do I do now?

- Nirvana's p.o.v -

What do I do now? Luke and I just had sex. What does this mean for us now? I can't like him, much less love him. I literally just got over Christian so fucking fast. You know how bad that looks on my end of the story?!  Nirvana why did you get swept away by those baby blue eyes? He made you cry over him for months. He hurt you with great pleasure. I know he said he was sorry to me but I can't help it. He cheated on me. Please god, tell me what to do?

My thoughts got the best of me, again. Here I am crying myself to sleep. The tears running down my cheeks one after another. Luke always does this to me. I don't even know how I'm going to tell Marley and the girls about this.

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My stupid ass annoying alarm clock woke me up at 8:30 a.m. "Ugggghhhh!" I groaned. I got up and went to the bathroom. I fucking hate Tuesdays, it means I have a meeting. Plugging my phone to the speaker, I dropped it. "Shit." a tiny heart attack occurs. I check if it cracked and to my luck, it didn't. I quickly plugged it in again. Great big wide world by Marilyn Manson played through it. I stripped down and got inside the shower. I've never felt more tired than today. Usually all girls would be so happy and energetic that they got dick last night but I'm the opposite. Okay maybe not so much but since it was from Luke, I'm not feeling it this morning. After doing the usual shower routine, I hop out. I wipe the mirror from all the steam and look at myself in the mirror. I have bags under my eyes from so much crying last night. "Well concealer, today is your lucky day. I need to use you my friend." I roll my eyes. I brush my teeth, bring my phone and speaker with me to my room, as I pick out what I'm going to wear. I went for a soundgargen t-shirt, my grey cardigan, black skinny jeans, and my all black converse. After getting dressed, I straightened my hair. I put concealer under my eyes so you won't see the bags, then I curled my eyelashes and applied mascara. I put bottom eyeliner, I didn't feel like doing my wing eyeliner today. I filled in my eyebrows and put my black glasses on. Adding my black watch of course, so my outfit won't look so plain. After packing my laptop, binder, and folders into my bag, I went straight to the kitchen. Fixing myself some nutella on toast and orange juice. Orange juice is always my wake up buddy in the morning if I don't have coffee. It's not working today.

I grab my phone and keys, spray perfume on myself and head out the door. I feel so emo today. I throw everything to the passenger seat and plug my phone into my speaker. The 1975 plays, but I don't feel happy today so I change it to 2000's rock. I hate everything about you by Three days grace plays. "That's more like it." I say to myself. I drive off to Starbucks for a coffee. After buying myself one, I go straight for work. As soon as I get to work, Marge enters my office. "Good morning Nirvana." She happily cheers. "Hardly but um good morning." I reply taking my stuff out of my bag. "What's wrong?" Marge asks. "Nothing. I just did a really big mistake last night is all. I don't mean to take it out on you. Sorry. Anyways, what's for today besides the meeting?" I tell her. "Just the meeting today." She looks through her clipboard. "Okay." I sigh. "Tell me what happened last night." She insists. "I really don't want to pour all my bullshit on you Marge. Its nothing." She closes the door to my office. I sit down on my desk moving the mouse around to turn the computer on. "Let's just say I had sex with a certain someone who I shouldn't have." I look straight at her. "Luke?!" She exclaims. "Shhhh?!" Placing my finger my lips. "My bad. But was it Luke?" She asks. "Yes." I cover my face in disappointment.

"Well it was just a hook up right?" She sits on my desk. "See that's what I want to believe but my heart isn't letting me. My mind is telling me it was all just blur but my heart is telling me it means something else. Frankly I don't want to think that" I say. I sounded so cheesy, that was so weird. "I don't know what to say. Just go for what you think is right for now. You can figure the other half later." She does make sense. But its still going to make this day even worse. "Thanks Marge. I really needed that." I smile slightly. "No worries. I'm always here. If you need anything just let me know." She winks and leaves my office. I know what I'm going to do for now. Pretend like nothing happened.