Everything I didn't say☆L.H

28. Denying these feelings

- Nirvana's p.o.v -

After everything I've pretty much experienced in these past few weeks have had a hold on me. I still need to finish the magazine and start on the book. The expiration date is next Friday. By Saturday I should be holding a release conference showing off the new magazine to the board of trustees, my boss, John, official publishers, and of course the boys. Ugh I have so much shit to do! I need to put everything together this week, next week I have to show the product to Brenda, and hold the conference. "Marge!" I yell from my office as I type away the last few paragraphs of Luke's personal pages. I felt like writing a bunch of dick shit on his page but god knows I can't do that. I swear I hate him so much and way more than I did when we first met.

"What can I do for you Nirvana?"She asks. "Okay look. I'm going to go to the printers and print out the last pages that I need. You however are gonna pick up the rest of the pages that are already done, that's including the front and back cover." I instruct. "You still have this whole week and next week to finish the magazine, why finish everything today?" She asks as she writes down stuff on her clipboard. "Well because I'm editor in chief. I'm supposed be prepared and have everything ready for Brenda to see. Plus if I tell her that I'm barely finishing the assignment, she might not promote me to be official editor in chief. She could promote Julissa the slut." I explain. "Oh no we can't have that. I hate her." Marge tells me. "Who doesn't? She flirts with everybody's boyfriends or husbands." I laugh. "True. Well come on , we better get going." She reminds me. I get my bag, phone, keys and head for my car. Marge let's herself in and I put the key in ignition. I plug my phone in the aux cord, the Blink-182 radio plays. I drive all the way to the printer office. "Alright you go to the pick up station and I'll go the printer room." I tell her. When I walk in the office I take my laptop out of my bag and hook it up to the machine. I send the copy of Luke's pages to it and begins to make noises. I wait for it tell me that it's done printing. Once I finished doing that, I went to the pick up room. "Hi I'm Nirvana Harris, I work for All things juicy. I'm here to pick up a stack I just printed." I tell the man. "Here you go, nice work by the way. I saw some of the other work you did and its really good." He compliments me. "Thank you. I'll be sure to keep it up." I say. "Have a nice day." He yells. "You too!" I respond. "Alright, we have to get back to the building" I say as we get in the car. We drive back to the office. "Nirvana I want to see that magazine on my desk before Julissa's issue." She removes her glasses. "Yes ma'm." I tell her. I pop my fingers and start putting the magazine together.

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After putting the whole magazine together, I take it to get the spine sowed. "Hey Lisa, can you sow this up?" I ask her. "Sure." She gets everything ready. I go back to my office to put all my stuff away. When I go back to go grab the magazine, Lisa says "I can't believe these handsome guys are your best friends." She looks through the pages. "Yup, since my senior year." I look down at my shoes. "Isn't he your ex?" She asks and points to Luke. "Yeah." I continue to stare at the floor. "Well the magazine looks great. No wonder your editor in chief." Lisa winks. I smile softly at her and take the magazine. "Thank you." I speak. "No problem." She responds. I walk over to Brenda's office. "Brenda?" I call out. "It's Ms.Caldicott if you haven't finished the magazine yet." She says writing stuff down. "I finished it. May I say its so beautiful." I smile fakely. " See I never doubted you for a second." Brenda moves the glasses up on the bridge of her nose. I hand the magazine over to her. I wait for about 2 minutes. "Great job Harris. I really admire you. I was afraid that if you didn't show me any work I was going to have to give the official editor in chief job to Julissa." She laughs. "Very funny Brenda."I roll my eyes playfully. "Well, I'll fax the magazine out so they can start on copies. You can go home early today." She tells me.

Nothing makes me feel better than to go home. I'm really tired and stressed. Work made me forget about Luke for a little but as soon as I got in my car. Tears began to stream down my face for some unknown reason. I feel as if it was the day that Luke and the guys were leaving at the airport. I drive over to the beach pathway were me and the group raced our cars the first day I got my mustang. I thought about how much me and Luke loved each other. This isn't how its supposed to be. I shouldn't be crying over Luke. If anything, we should be married, starting our life together, just being happy with each other. If he's still in love with me, than why did he cheat? The night we had sex, Luke said that Aleisha was just a test to him and that he made the wrong choice. Chris was basically the same thing to me then. The truth is I'm still in love with Luke. I don't want to admit it to him because I know he's going to hurt me again. The pain I went through was hell. I swore to myself I would never go through something like that ever again. Here I am going through it right now, and there's a whole lot where that came from.