my summer bullshit.

Family meltdown.

July 8/ 2:17/2014

so today, i wake up to my dad once again, telling me that we had to help my mom.

Today was the second day of my brothers football practice, and instead of it being across from my old middle school, it was on the levee.

My mom always has trouble finding these locations, because she's not a direction lady, she's more of a landmark lady.

And the levee is a HUGE landmark.

So when we got in the car, i was still a bit tired, and a lot of confused.

I thought we were actually taking my brother to practice.

So, I text one of my best friends in the area, Shemor, and told him I was in his neighborhood.

Immediately he calls me like

"WHERE U AT?!?!?! YOU COMING OVER RIGHT?!?!?! WHY U AROUND THERE?!?!?!"

so i just simply told him that we were in the area because we were bringing my brother to practice.

After I said that, I heard my dad say "We might be lost"

So the first thing that pops in my head is..

//kali ask shemor for directions dick//

So, without thinking, I say "how do i get to the levee on oklahoma street bruh"

He gave me directions, and within five minutes we were there.

So, shemor, if you're reading this....

Thanks.

Anyway, when we get there for some reason it surprised me when we turned around went right back home.

The forecast that day said it was supposed to rain.

At least my mom knew where the practice was, because it looked like we wouldn't be going today.

So when we got home, my parents started with this pressure shit on my brother again. They just started ambushing him with questions like "what are you gonna do for football? you know the jags are the best!, we aren't letting you go anywhere else."

All my brother kept saying is, "I just wanna go to one more practice. I wanna see the team from the inside mom, thats all."

My mom and dad kept saying, "you sound stupid. what else is to see about this team? we all know they are the best! You getting your ass beat by them multiple times wasn't inside enough for you?!?!"

I could tell the things they were saying were pissing him off, so i just sat on the couch and paid attention.

my mom was stiiting on one side of me, and my brother was sitting on the other.

my dad decided he had enough of my mom over exaggerating and my brother being a dumbass, so he just walked outside.. I'm guessing he was going to work out.

Then this is where it starts getting emotional.

My mom looks at kohl and says:

"why are you being so stubborn? dont you know that all I want is the best for you? I would never tell you anything to hurt you, and all you keep doing is giving me this punk ass attitude."

i will admit, his attitude was pretty crappy.

But I still thought my mom was over exaggerating.

My brother said:

"I dont mean to come off as having an attidute mom, I just want to keep my options open"

my mom breaks it down about as good as it gets, before actually breaking down..

"But Kohl, It's not even the team that's making me so angry. I cant say I dont care about who you play for, I just wanna see the happiest look in your eyes when you win, I wanna see you around people who are just talented as you, and I don't want you to have to comprimise your talents to make up for things that your teamates lack.. i just want you to be happy kohl. That really all I want for you. Im not gonna sit here and watch you do the same thing your big sister did. (not me, my other big sister, teeya) I'm not gonna let you rebel against me, cause the last kid that did that to me ran away for three years. you dont know how much I sacrifice for you Kohl. Look at me.. I just went to blue bayou with you even though I was in so much pain, but the only reason I went is because I made a promise and I refuse to let you down. I just love seeing you happy and if what Im doing for you isn't good enough, then I dont know what else, because... I don't have it in me to battle another rebellious teenager. I am in physical pain right now *starts crying* because of your punk ass attitude kohl. I cant stand up straight because you practically hated me for buying you a BRAND NEW PAIR OF $200 DOLLAR SHOES. I refuse to see you go down this road kohl, and you know im serious because I practically *cries harder* need surgery because you were being ungrateful. That's all you two ever do. You push us into giving us what you want, and then you cry because you want more... and then we give you more and then its still not good enough. *completely breaks down* I just wish it didnt take this much for you to see that all I do is for you *loud thunder* Its all for you guys..."

By this time I felt like a complete asshole.

I was burying my face in a pillow to stop myself from crying because I feel like crying is a huge sign of weakness and I really hate doing it infront of people.

My brother was in complete tears. If you have a heart, you'll know that, seeing your mom cry is one of the most painful things out there, especially when you know that you're the reason why.

It dawned on me that everytime I rolled my eyes at her because she was trying to help me get dressed, everyime I talked back, Or everytime I acted like I knew more than her, it was actually hurting her feelings in a way that was so deep that I could never understand.

Suddenly I regret every smart remark. I regret every time I made her feel like I didn't need her.

I regret hurting the woman who went through so much to bring me into this world.

I was spitting on her grave before she was even dead, and its so hard to express the remorse I have for this.

And seeing her sit there and cry was the most rude awakening I could ever get..

I didn't cry until I realized that she would never be able to sincerly brag on me and say "Oh my daughter was always nice and she always said please and thank you, and oh my goodness how respectful and grateful she was.. I wouldnt change anything about her."

I would never be the prized daughter that every set of parents wanted. And that cut so deep.

I burst into tears and just started apologizing. I apologized for things that I didnt even realize I did.

After a while, we all stopped crying, and my brother promised to play, if it was honestly that important to my mom.

About 10 minutes later, my dad came in and me and my brother just kind of ambushed him with apologies and thanked him for slaving 12 hours, sometimes 20, just to make sure that we have everthing we need, as well as everything we want.

This was the day me and my brother stepped back and realized that we needed to stop looking at the things we dont have, and start looking at the things we do.

My dad went to work that day pretty satified at what happened, and me and my brother pretty much did everything we could to try and make everything better.

today, i promised myself that I would never treat my mom anything less than a mother again.

I went to the gym, and just ran. I ran until i couldn't think anymore, and that's exactly what I was going for.