my summer bullshit.

And so here we are.

Dec 6 / 7:12pm / 2014
Last night while I was in the car I talked to my mom about me and Isaiah's "situation" .. which as of now nobody knows our situation but... when I told her that he was writing for another girl she hit me.

Remember in my first chapter when I complained about my mom being pissed because I never kept the right boy around ? How she says I always let the good ones go? Yeah, she's doing it again.

I needed to be hit though. I mean, I've basically been taking punches to the gut since the first six weeks progress report , but none have been physical. I felt like I needed a physical push.

I realize that I haven't been explaining what's going on to you guys properly lately, and I've been missing weeks and very important events in my life , so let me just touch on (giggle giggle) a few subjects

-I wanted to go to Mckinley sr. High school so bad. I have been trying to convince my momma to let me go since like eighth grade, and we even had a huge family fallout about it and my parents hated me because they thought I was going through rebellion. But I wasn't , I knew what I wanted and I understood my motives, as they did not. I continued to beg my mom. One day I brought it up in the car and my mom looked at me with a glint of consideration in her eye. "You really wanna go to this school don't you?" "Yeah I do mom... It's my only wish" "okay."
I was so elated I couldn't hold myself together. It was so simple. Just an "ok"! And then the next day she went in to do my paper work and shit, and they actually said "Oops, you live in woodlawn district, and woodlawn has the same programs we do, so that means she can't transfer in on anything, meaning she has to go to woodlawn." -_- lick my balls EBR parish school board.

- I actually lost all of my friends. Only person who can tell you how it happened is God, because I have no idea. Everyday I come to school and look around in the courtyard and realize that I do not fit in any group around there. I would go hang with Kasey and Saxon , but I don't really wanna hang with that crowd. I would hang with Azaria and Gloria, but I don't really wanna hang with them either. No matter where I go, I lose. I've waited too long into the school year to try and make new friends.. everyone has already found someone to leach on to. And speaking of leach, some people there are gonna look back at the way they used to act in high school and shake their head bc they were some wannabe clingy ass people.

-Um I keep getting random crushes on random guys and I guess I'm just trying to fill the hole isaiah and gavin left honestly (oh ya isaiah, you have a place, and I rank you better than gavin *winks*) I just really need to find someone that.. Idk I need to stop looking actually I just don't want to be alone anymore and I need to open up... I feel like a pin cushion (only certain people will get that reference) I hate myself because I can't control my emotions. Maybe a disorder?

- I'm not comfortable around my family. I'm always finding myself trying to prove myself to them and lately my parents have been so supportive of my brothers football career, but they didn't even come to my Christmas show last night.

- I've begun watching 90210 and can I just say. I didn't expect Adriana to come out gay *gasps*

- I have all these relationships with people based off of the fact that I don't wanna hurt them so I don't cut them off and then I end up being hurt the whole time and faking a smile.

- Me and brandon don't talk anymore. I was pissed at him and stopped talking to him for like 3 days because he kissed Samia even after he knew the circumstances with me and Samia (so much to explain)

-Me and Samia fell out because Samia and Shemor started dating behind my back. Samia knew damn well that me and Shemor was .... She broke girl/Bestfriend code and that's all I'm gonna say. then she lied to me about it for a while 😂 , she didn't even let me know that they talked to eachother. I asked her not to. But even after I found out they were dating I was willing to forgive her as long as she apologized and she refused to. Then she sent out pictures of me and brandon kissing and my little brother got them and was like "TF yaya?!?!?" Then we was mad & talking shit to each other, then she kissed brandon -_-

- Me and brandon kissing was a complete mistake and if I could go back in time I would erase that shit bc no. I was in a very vulnerable spot because I had just told this guy that I liked him and he was like "nope I don't like you oops" and I was really hurt and brandon was comforting me and he scooted in and made it happen but I was like nahh cuhh 😂 but we got caught by teachers and got TOR ..

-my grades are shit *shrugs* *watches netflix*

-I'm a hot mess & I could see if isaiah never wanted to talk to me again 😕 I get it dude , the outerstream is childish but still... (To figure out why Kali is mad, refer to chapter: "this is for the outerstream") I kinda want to die rn

- I love all you guys that are actually listening to me :) I finally got to 1k reads and I feel like John Green.

- Pretty hurts.