Together;Broken {Jamilton}

Uupdaatee

THIS IS OVER 1,000 WORDS SO BE WARNED, I THINK IT'S WORTH THE READ IF YOU CARE ABOUT THIS ACCOUNT OR THIS BOOK

Hey guys!

I know it's been a solid FIVE MONTHS since I've uploaded like anything to wattpad but that's for pretty good reason. I'll explain those a little later but just to let everyone know; I'm not dead. I'm perfectly okay.

Now, I'm gonna explain the situation I'm in now then follow up with the explanation. School ended about 2 weeks ago so I'm currently trying to enjoy my summer vacation. Last week I had summer camp where I couldve sworn I almost died but that's okay because I didn't have to take a trip to the hospital. I've been struggling emotionally but it's starting to get better. I've also been experiencing issues within my relationship that we're currently trying to fix and work through but that's also been taking up space on my mind. We're doing better though. I also experience daily headaches which really discourages me from doing anything so there's that too.

Now to explain what's up with this whole updating thing. I'm just not motivated to do so. I thought it was school or the emotional stress I was going through but after thinking about it, it's not. I'm not motivated to update this book or "You Can Help" because I don't like the direction any of them are going in. Sure, it was a lot of fun getting notifications for comments of people freaking out because of the constant cliffhangers or because Laurens was doing very illegal shit but that doesn't mean it's worth forcing myself to update. A lot of the stuff I wrote was simply for the shock value, to get a reaction because I knew that I could get one with writing certain things. I knew I could get more readers to stick around if I put cliffhangers and made the characters go WAY OUT OF CHARACTER so that's what I did.

And that's not to say I don't care about the attention I get, I don't think I deserve it but I'm super grateful for it. I'm grateful that people enjoy my shit but I'd rather be known for writing better stories that evoke more emotion than just "shock," y'know? I'm a really good writer and I feel like people would enjoy me much more if I focus on using all of what I know than just a small portion of it that's actually pretty uh manipulative. I want to be the writer who can satisfy and deliver what needs to be delivered. I can't do that by continuing these stories the way that they are.

To be honest, for the entirety of the time I've been on wattpad, I've barely ever written to please myself. I've gone through so many phases while I've been on wattpad that none of my followers now could be aaware of because I've deleted any trace of it. I've been in the creepypasta fandom, the fnaf fandom, the undertale fandom, the hamilton fandom and probably other fandoms that were a little less important to me. I've only ever written for 3 of those four fandoms, undertale being the one I never got a chance to write for. I wrote many many MANY creepypasta based fanfictions and I really enjoyed doing that. However, those stories never got more than maybe 100 or so reads. I was okay with that because I was happy writing those kinds of things and I didn't care if nobody read or commented.

I moved on to the fnaf fandom and I really enjoyed (still do) those games so I wanted to write for them. I also drew for these two fandoms, especially fnaf, and made O.Cs and what have you. I was into it. I wrote two books for FNAF that were really successful by my eyes. One was a lyric book which got 2K+ reads but then I accidentally deleted and then an actual story which reached 1K+ reads. I loved that people were enjoying my works but I also started not really enjoying what I was doing. I still did have fun drawing for my story and writing for it every now and again but that faded quickly. I started being more worried about the people who read.

After I realized Undertale was getting popular, I wanted to write for it. I hadn't played or seen gameplay of it but I knew it was popular and wanted my account to stay somewhat relevant. I went and watched gameplay to familiarize myself. I didn't expect to get into it, but I did, and I ended up enjoying it so much that I completely forgot about even wanting to write the fanfic which was probably for the best.

Then I ended up getting into Hamilton through an ex and I really enjoyed it. It wasn't a first thought to write for it at all. I drew for it and had fun with it. I got into the shipping portion of the fandom and I ended up being REALLY OBSSESSED WITH JAMILTON (as you could probably tell) so I drew a lot of it. I also wanted to start writing for it after seeing people on wattpad writing for it as well. But of course, the books' content wasn't all I saw. I saw their numbers too and I, of course, wanted in on that. So I started getting in on that. I wrote multiple books for the ship and honestly I haven't been happy with them in the long run. I didn't want to delete them because they had already gained so much traction and I wanted to keep the numbers I had. I wanted people to keep coming. Fuck if I was happy with writing it or not, I was gonna do it. And that's costed me so much hiatus over the years. I don't want to take so many breaks while I'm writing but that's what ended up happening.

I want to be happy writing something. I don't want to think about numbers so much but if people enjoy what I'm writing then it's a plus. I want to be able to stay true to the days I've set to update and I don't want to make excuses for myself as to why I shouldn't be able to meet my own standards. I want to do what I love to do; I want to write. I want to make stories that make me happy and maybe others can find enjoyment in what I'm writing as well. I'm not trying to force myself anymore. I'm not going to force myself anymore.

So I won't.

But I still want input from those who read my stories and follow my account. Since you're here, of course I want you to stick around because you guys are the reason I've become kinda sorta relevant. Why I've been able to push myself to let my work flood the internet. You guys are my internet children even though some of y'all are probably older than me (by a lot..).

Anyway, a few options you guys have are I keep this story around (ONLY THIS ONE I'M SCRAPPING "YOU CAN HELP" COMPLETELY) and just delete the chapters I've written that started making me feel uneasy about updating it or I scrap the whole story and make a new one that's much better than anything I could've ever written if I continue on this path. You guys have those choices and hopefully I can get some responses.

I hope you guys can forgive me for the neglect I've struck upon my followers and readers and can help me out when I really need it from you guys.