And When He Is Here // hayes grier

Chapter 15

↠Bradie

I was trying to decide which one to open first for about a minute. Just staring back and forth between them. I decided to read the notebook first. It's not like I was invading privacy but at the same time I felt like I was. I opened up the notebook to the first page. The date was 'May 18th 2013' so this was last year. 7th grade. I think this was about the time I found out about the bullying. I pulled my reading glasses out of my bag and I started reading.

Today B found out that I was getting bullied. I told her that it was the first time but that was a lie. It started happening towards the beginning of the school year. She's just an amazing girl that I'm completely in love with and I didn't want her to know because I knew it would hurt her. And it did. She saw some guys from the lacrosse team going it to me. They always throw balls at me when I'm in goal and it's not like an accident. She looked over from her field and saw it. They will hit me I'm the back of the head or hit me with balls even if I wasn't In goal. When she talked it me after practice I had to tell her. But I just told her I was the first time. I couldn't hurt her more. It was mostly just the mid fielder guys. The 'most popular ones on the team' yeah whatever. Like Luke, Sam, Chase, Wesley, then there's the guys who's friends with those guys, see it happening, but don't say anything. People like Jesse, Joseph, Nathan, Connor, and Hayes.

My heart sank into the pit of my stomach. He knew my best friend was getting bullied and didn't say anything to his friends or to me about it? I mean I know we weren't really good friends at the time and it wouldn't matter if Dylan was my friend and it wouldn't make a difference if he was my friend. But Hayes has always told me that he was against bullying or seeing it happened. I decided it keep reading.

I decided I would start this journal to release steam. To clear my mind. And I thought today would be a good start. I mean I could write about my parents beating me, which I always say is an injury from lacrosse, how much I love B, my awful lacrosse team, my patents fighting all the time, and other stupid stuff that happens in my life. Because I mean it's better than what I used to do, self harm. I just hope this will help. I'm trying to quit. Well that's the first entry.

I was trying to wrap my mind about what I just read. I didn't know he got abused then, I didn't know he loved me, like actually loved me, I had no clue Hayes knew about him getting bullied. I wonder if he knew this year. I mean that was last spring season. I wonder if he knew if it happened this fall season. Because it did. And I knew it happened by these guys. Dylan made me promise not to tell anyone because it would only make it worse. I fought with him about it for a while. But I gave in. I regret it so much now. That I didn't do anything about it now he's gone. And there's nothing I could do. I could feel tears stinging the corners of my eyes and the lump in my throat. I let a few tears fall out of my eyes before I pulled myself together. I mean I was in the middle of the hallways but I was the only one.

I read some more pages in the notebook. I looked for the date 'July 2013' I couldn't remember the exact date but there was a day in July that Dyl broke his arm. I wanted to see why he really did or if he was telling the truth. He told me he was at the skate park and tried doing a new trick and fell off the ramp. I found the page it was on. I figured if he wrote about it that it wasn't just a stupid skate mishap.

July 18th 2013

Today I was at the park. Now I'm at home trying to figure out how to tell my parents I need to go to the hospital because some assholes came to beat me up at the skate park. They pushed me down and stomped on my wrist. Just more stupid kids from the school lacrosse team. Even when it's summer they come after me. I haven't done anything to them. They always say I'm an ass because B is my best friend and I 'keep her from them' that I 'prevent her from liking them' they always say how hot she is. B isn't hot. Well she is but I like to think of her as beautiful. Because oh my gosh she is. Her eyes are the kind you could get lost in. And I do. I zone out all the time. The way she looks so cute in her reading glasses. She pulls them off so perfectly. Whenever I bring up one thing about her I always get so off topic. But it's easy to do that with her. But I hope I don't drag her down. Or prevent her from making new friends or dating people. That's the last thing I want for her. To drag her down. But I always try to do my best for her. Do what's best for her. That's why I can't tell her everything. I don't want to bring her down. I can't bring her down. I just can't.